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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

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Friday, May 9, 2008

Hillary's March To The Convention, or Letters from Shewon Quita

The phrase of the week kids, "Pyrrhic Victory"
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyrrhic_victory, for all you inquisitive minds out there.)

In short hand, a Pyrrhic victory is a situation in which you win, but in a devastatingly negative way. Scorched earth, and nothing less. Now who in the world could be trying to achieve such a victory? Who in their right mind would sacrifice all credibility and integrity they have (or, "had") to ensure a victory that would only mean something to them personally, but could all but destroy all around them? Oh, that's right...Hillary Clinton. I was going to say Barack Obama, but then I remembered...I like him! Senator Clinton on the other hand is leading the most devastating march the South has ever seen since Sherman decided to make some stops along his way to the beaches of Savannah, Georgia. In fact, looking at General Sherman's letter to his rivals, it looks much like HilRod's very own letter, which requests that Senator Obama push for the Michigan and Florida delegates to be present at the convention.

The following was copied from Wikipedia's entry on Sherman's March to the Sea, which can be found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sherman%27s_March_to_the_Sea. I'm not into stealing history, folks, but it's nice to use it.


"I have already received guns that can cast heavy and destructive shot as far as the heart of your city; also, I have for some days held and controlled every avenue by which the people and garrison of Savannah can be supplied, and I am therefore justified in demanding the surrender of the city of Savannah, and its dependent forts, and shall wait a reasonable time for your answer, before opening with heavy ordnance. Should you entertain the proposition, I am prepared to grant liberal terms to the inhabitants and garrison; but should I be forced to resort to assault, or the slower and surer process of starvation, I shall then feel justified in resorting to the harshest measures, and shall make little effort to restrain my army—burning to avenge the national wrong which they attach to Savannah and other large cities which have been so prominent in dragging our country into civil war.
– William T. Sherman, Message to William J. Hardee, December 17, 1864, recorded in his Memoirs"

Now, with a little rewriting...

"I have already received votes that can at best delay your candidacy and the unification of our party, cast as far as the heart of out nation; also, I have for some months held and controlled various delegates by which the people and the officers of the Obama campaign can be supplied, and therefore I am justified in demanding the surrender of the Democratic candidacy, and its required delegates, and shall wait a reasonable time for your answer, before opening with heavy ordinance. Should you entertain the proposition, I am prepared to grant liberal terms to your staffers and your proposed cabinet, should you have one already mapped out; but should I be forced to resort to assault, or the slower and surer process of slandering your campaign and winning surely not enough delegates to secure the candidacy, I shall then feel justified in resorting to the harshest measures the media can provide, and shall make little effort to restrain my husband - bitching to avenge the national wrong which he and I attach to your campaign and other political figures which have been so prominent in dragging our party into civil war."

- Hillary Clinton

P.S. John Edwards is a little bitch."

(Note: Hillary's actual letter can be found here, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/m.s.-bellows/clintons-open-letter-to-o_b_100861.html. Just in case you were wondering.)

See folks! Using the same cutting edge technology that turned Dead Poets Society into Mona Lisa Smile, we can see just how history tends to repeat itself, while at the same time demonstrating the Law of Diminishing Returns. Senator (HA! You only lived in New York for as long as the minimum residency requirement dictated before you ran.) Clinton, I have something to say to you, and I think some Americans might agree with me.

Dear Ms. Clinton,

Ma'am, you are not your husband. You are not William Tecumseh Sherman. You are not even Lucy from Peanuts. You're just an angry woman with a vendetta and a hard on for media attention. You've lost. Give up, and retract with a slight shred of dignity. Hey, maybe you'll get a cabinet post...maybe you can even become a pundit on cable news. But you're not going to be president, you're not even going to secure the nomination. It's mathematically improbable, nay impossible, you're going to be running for president...at least with your party's approval. If you chose to go ahead with your harebrained scheme, then I cannot guarantee the American public will pay attention to Senator Clinton, the candidate for the "Raging Bitch" party...they certainly didn't when Paris Hilton ran on that ticket with Nicole Richie back in '03. (Though, it might have been because the election was in '04...still, no one cared.)

Drop out, shut up, and goodbye,

Mr. Controversy


P.S. Need a new campaign manager? I think I know someone you'd get along with REALLY well...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuuTRuKcLrg

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