I hate to say it, but "big corporate culture" in America almost completely sucks. Everything a team effort, hampered by company policies infused with inherent redundancies and paranoia that have grown into the big business mindset ever since "Enron", and executed in the name of the stockholder. Oh sure, fool yourself into thinking you're working for your own personal benefit, or even the customer, with whom you're supposed to have an unhealthy obsession of pleasing every little whim they throw at you. Just in case you didn't notice. Be it office work, retail and fast food slavery, or even good old fashioned temp work, there's always the managerial hive mind looming above you, making decisions that are "for the good of the company". Sometimes you can believe them, sometimes it's a load of shit.
Case in point, I was once told by a higher up that I was in line to be transitioned into a new corporate unit that was being set up to replace the current corporate unit I was at. He basically resigned at the Christmas party, and explained how he was starting a new company and 'taking everyone with him', which lead to an air of professional uncertainty for everyone. No one knew who was staying or who was going, but on his last day in our office he flat out said to me "You know I'm taking you over with me, right?" At that point I was relieved, and glad that I didn't have to look for a new job just yet. I could ride it out for a little longer, keep doing what I was good at and at the same time look casually for a new job opportunity. That lasted for a month.
The next month I was told that my department was not in the budget for the new business unit. There was no room at the inn, money wise, and the boss of my department and I were paying for it. I wasn't being "taken over", I was being pushed out. Why? I honestly don't know, but I doubt the budget was the thing. Sure enough, several other people were told they weren't going over as well, only most of them were eventually placed in the company somehow. Was it a miracle? Was it fate? Or was it him giving jobs to the people he liked? In either case, you know you're being insulted when someone who does less than you do for almost twice as much pay gets a job, while you're forced to fend for yourself to find a new job. It's even more insulting when that person is the human resources manager of your office, and she'd rather balance her checkbook and chat with friends on the phone than help you track job leads in corporate. What probably sucks the most is that I'm supposed to help aid the smooth transition of work and personnel from this office to the next. In other words, I'm supposed to help build the ark, only to get left in the flood.
Which leads me to here...sleep deprived, working, and fluctuating between miserable, indifferent, and somewhat satisfied about my current professional situation. I know I'm not the only person that has had to deal with this, and I know this isn't the only time this could happen to me in my life. I know I should be thankful for having a job and a decent salary for someone my age, but you know what? Knowing all of this stuff that "should" be known, it doesn't help the fact that I feel forgotten and thrown away by the old management. Though, it could be worse, and I am truly thankful for the current management and their help with possibly finding me a job. That's one of the bright spots about this whole situation. Plus, it's given me this motivation to try and break into what I truly love, while comfortably employed for the time. The clock is still ticking though, and if you think being miserable about your current job is bad, wait until you become miserable about not being able to get out of it and into something you feel you'd be more suited for. But that's another rant for another day...until next time, fight the machine.