About Me

My photo
Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

The Mr. Controversy Fan Club


Our mascot, "The Owl of Distain"

Become a Facebook Fan
Follow my Tweets

Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Devil v. George W. Bush: A Short Fiction, Part IV

Because I enjoy writing this, and apparently you all enjoy reading it, here's Part IV of The Devil v. George W. Bush! I split Ascension Day into two parts, so now we'll have a VI part cycle. Hope you enjoy.
Part IV: Ascension Day (part I)
Burt the Devil and The Devil's Lead Counsel sat at the Bennigan's next to the Regan Airport Hilton in Washington D.C. It was January 20, 2009; Inauguration Day, the day Satan would take over the World, and the biggest decision he faced at this moment was whether to go with their new oven roasted chicken sandwich, or his old standby the steak quesadilla with extra guacamole and "hacienda busting" hot sauce.

"Are you ready to order?", the waitress inquired with a grin.

Burt was indeed ready to order, "Yes, indeed I am. I'll have the Oven Roasted Chicken Sandwich, and a side salad with that. What type of light dressings do you have?"
"We have Caesar, Ranch, and Thousand Island."

"Caesar, please...", he replied, "...he was always my favorite tragedy."
The waitress formed a slightly confused look on her face, and then looked over to the Devil's Lead Counsel.

"And for you?"

The Lead Counsel answered in a tone reserved for only those moments when you knew everything in the world was right, and yet you still wanted more. "I'll have the kid's cheeseburger, and could you make sure they bring me the 'Greatest Historical Atrocities' coloring book this time? I'm sick and tired of coloring 'World's Greatest Executions', there's only so many times I can color the O.J. Simpson lynching."
The waitress giggled, "Sure thing, sir."
Burt smiled at The Lead Counsel, "Always a kid at heart, aren't you?"

Lead Counsel smiled back, "Ever since the Black Plague. Have you thought about your speech yet?"
"I was thinking along the lines of, 'Dear human race, an era of a thousand dark years is beginning in front of you. So, who's hungry?' "
"That's it? You've waited for this thousands of years, endured countless acts of libel and slander from so called 'religions' and Hollywood, and you're going to invite everyone for a fucking dessert shooter?"

"Hey", he added defensively, "that's only at Applebee's! I'd be taking everyone to Bennigan's."
Burt then shuddered, "I only take my in-laws to Applebees."
The waitress had returned with the coloring book Lead Counsel had asked for, and he gleefully started coloring the first picture, which was a portrait of Jesus's Crucifixion, only instead of being somber it looked rather...childish.

"You know, Satan, I was thinking we could perhaps get a couple jokes out there. You know, 'How many priests does it take to override this contract? None, because my lawyer will fucking kill you and rip your entrails out to decorate his patio deck.' "
Not even Burt understood his Lead Counsel's humor sometimes. "Why don't we just stick to my plan for now? We could go with yours' on the first anniversary if you like."
The Lead Counsel sighed defeatedly, "Or that." All of his best ideas, the ones he stayed up late to come up with, were always shot down by Satan. It was demoralizing, it was upsetting, and it was about time it stopped. However, once their food came and his kid's cheeseburger hit his lips, overthrowing his boss was the last thing on his mind. The only thing coming into his mind was that tasty burger. Burt, on the other hand, was wondering if perhaps he should cater the Inauguration with the very same food they were currently eating. Whatever the case, in a few short hours, the world would be theirs', and no meal concocted by the good people at Bennigan's would stop that.
Meanwhile, President Elect Barack Obama was enjoying a silent moment of reflection in his limousine. He was parked in place, awaiting the command to be given that would drive him up to the steps of the Capital, where he would be sworn in as the next President of the United States. His wife, Michelle, was sitting right next to him.
"Honey", she said, trying to break the spaced out look he had as he stared at the cheering masses, "Honey, what's wrong?"

He answered half startled, "Huh? Oh, nothing darling. I'm just worried."

"About what? The hard part is over, you won the election fair and square. You've been preparing since November for this, and now practice is over. You are the President."

"Not yet. Not until I take the oath, Michelle. And even then, I'm just worried that everyone's expectations for me are too high. They all expect me to save the world out there. All I can promise them is that I'll try to save this great nation, and hope the rest can come eventually."

Michelle gave him a tender kiss, and looked him in the eyes, "I'm sure you will be able to save this nation. Let's worry about the world after that happens."

The Limo Driver lowered the partition, "Senator Obama, it's time."

Barack took a deep breath, then replied. "Let's go."
The limousine pulled away, and started for the Capital. A feeling of optimism permeated everything and everyone. In just two short hours though, only a few select smiling faces would remain smiling, while everyone else's cereal was greatly shat in.
President Bush and Vice President Cheney were looking out upon the crowds, dreaming of what they would do after the announcement.

President Bush thought to himself, "Hmm, let's see. First thing I'll do is make sure Dukes of Hazard is on TV at least five hours a day, followed by some Hee Haw, and cap off the night with some 700 Club. Then, if I'm feeling generous, I'll kick back for a relaxing vacation riding on the back of John Kerry."

All Vice President Cheney was thinking of was two concepts, which were singular in their natures, but combined gave him a hard on the size of a MagLite: "Target Practice...Congress". This thought kept repeating in his head, and sure enough Dick's dick rose to the occasion. He smiled and thought to himself that it was simply wonderful he didn't need a pill or enhancing mechanism to generate this particular erection. The blood of the innocent always did that for him. As both men reflected silently to themselves, neither of them noticed the flaming bag of dog crap flung at the window they were looking out of.
Next Time: Part V: Ascension Day (Part II)


Dave B. said...

Did you know: You've had a "free coupon from Bennigans" ad on your little personal-whoring thing. I found that humorous, even if it was premeditated.

As for the story: Satan never struck me as an "Oven Roasted Chicken" type, so that was a nice twice. Always figured him to be a baby-on-a-spit kind of cat. Still, very good stuff indeedily do.

And really, your depiction of the current heads of administration are eerily accurate.


Makes me wonder if Dickeyboy got his way by whipping out said maglite on W.

Would not surprise me at all.

(Shameless plug/question: check my blog, need your opinion on the new sidebar detailing. I think it needs some chrome *rimshot*)

Mr. Controversy said...

Dave - Yeah, I saw that Bennigan's thing, it was funny. AdSense actually chooses the ads depending on what I write about, so these ads could get quite interesting.

As for the Administration, it's scary that no matter what I pull out of my ass it'll be "eerily accurate", but thanks for the compliment.

Your sidebar doesn't need chrome, but maybe a light paint job. Blue or black, nothing else.

Dave B. said...

Black. Definitely.

Blog Archive