Note: My coverage of the Convention is limited to whatever text the Internet gives me, and morning news shows like Good Morning America. I apologize if my coverage isn't all encompassing or anything like CNN or Fox News. I'm here to offer analysis and punditry, not the value of Joe Biden's house.
This is where it starts to get interesting. Night 3 of the Democratic Convention has turned the flame up, and by tonight's broadcasts it should be at full boil. Was it enough? Let's find out.
Before we get into the actual news portion, I'd first like to vent a little outrage. I ran across this story from MTV.com on the Google News page, Rage Against The Machine And Thousands of Protesters Rock the DNC .... I could just be bitching here, but does anyone think we can we just acknowledge that Rage Against The Machine isn't a source of policy or political action in this country? I know I know, they perform such politically charged songs, they made a video with Michael Moore, and they performed at a protest rally outside of the Democratic Convention. Don't you think that they should have saved it for the Republican Convention though? I mean, the Democrats are the ones you WANT to win, why not protest in front of the bastards you can't stand. Last I checked, a protest is something you want the people you're protesting against to pay attention to. Crazy belief, I know, but I think all Rage Against the Machine amounts to is that angry kid singing angry songs against his dad who makes him angry, so instead of actually dealing with it like an adult he'll channel his energy into bullshit "entertainment". And as "guerilla" as you all are, I'm sure you're getting paid quite nicely. Paid nicely to look like you rolled around in shit the night before your concert, and it got stuck in your hair. (I'm looking at you, Zach De La Rocha.) All I'm saying is maybe they aren't as relevant as trendwhore MTV makes it out to be. Lights out, guerilla radio...turn that shit OFF.
And MTV...Rock The Vote doesn't work. It never did. You think it did, but really the kids just wanted to see a free concert with whoever it was you used that year. Let me put it into hip new terms you should understand, since English hasn't appeared on your channel since Sugar Ray was king:
"Kn0ck kn0ck" (Knock Knock)
"Hu iz it?" (Who is it?)
"Relevanz hu?" (Relevance who?)
"Relevanz, YOU HAZ NUN!" (Relevance, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!)
The last time MTV made any sense or difference was around 2000 when Britney Spears got her first implants, and we all know how THAT election turned out. Do you really think Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag give a shit about ANWAR? How about those Laguna Beach bitches talking about the mounting deficit? Hey, did you see that discussion between Bam Margera and former Defense Secretary Rumsfeld? Oh that's right...NONE OF THAT SHIT FUCKING HAPPENED! Give up MTV, you're the creepy old guy with the ponytail, the shades, and the drive to act cool again. I hope John Cusack and Jack Black beat the shit out of you accordingly.
Back to the actual convention itself. Well, it's official. In case anyone had doubts or delusions, Barack Obama was officially named the Democratic Candidate last night. Please join me in a pause for all of the PUMA's in the audience to break their computer monitors, curse my name out, and sit back down to collapse in a heap of sadness. There there, it's nothing to be upset about...you just lost. All hundred or so of you. Hey, at least John Kerry made a splash at the convention...you female voters liked him, right? No...you were just voting for him because you thought the chances of John Edwards being photographed in a Speedo would drastically increase? Oh...well he still was at the convention last night. He didn't do much except tell us what we already knew:
“90 percent of George Bush is just more than we can take....”
“America does not torture, not now, not ever...”
“The Bush-McCain Republicans have been wrong again and again and again.”
Way to go, Captain Obvious. Thanks for an update from 2004...you know, the election you let the Republicans run away with. I think you can go back and sit in the corner now. Speaking of obvious, it's readily apparent that there were only two speeches people wanted to hear. Two speeches that really mattered to the people. Two speeches that kicked major asses and set things up perfectly for tonight's close to the convention.Let's get Bill Clinton out of the way first, because whether you like the man or not it's obvious he knows how to speak. For those of you who are fans of pull quotes, this headline from MSNBC is all you need: Clinton: 'Obama is ready' . The man put on quite a show last night, getting so much applause and reverence that he had to tell the crowd to calm down. Bill Clinton's first politically relevant (as opposed to philanthropically relevant) appearance in a while is kind of like the first drink of water after being out in the desert...apparently people are so starved of it they had to go on for five minutes.
"Once he got started, Clinton reached back to his own campaign in 1992, when “Republicans said I was too young and too inexperienced to be commander-in-chief.”
“Sound familiar?” he asked. “It didn’t work in 1992, because we were on the right side of history. And it won’t work in 2008, because Barack Obama is on the right side of history.”
And of course, one of president Clinton's many oratory gifts has always been stating the obvious, but in less obvious context:
Tonight's the big show folks. The Big Three: Gov. Bill Ritter, Jr, former VP Al Gore, and of course last night's surprise guest Sen. Barack Obama himself, all go out there tonight and bat the Ninth Inning for the DNC. And I've got a feeling it'll be right out of the park.