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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Reyes/Donaghy '08 Campaign Update - Week 3

Hey everyone, just thought I'd give you an update on where the Reyes/Donaghy campaign is heading. We're actively putting out names out there, using everything from coffee cups to napkins, subliminal TV spots to subliminal messages in your soup, and of course...messenger pigeons. (Note: The Messenger Pigeons ad campaign has ended, due to high casualties of said couriers.) Also, Jack’s been soliciting donors right now, working his support base and seeing if he can’t swing some disillusioned Republicans our way. And by “swinging” votes, I mean promising spots on our newest reality show, “Weapons, Ammo, and Robot Love Slaves”. “W.A.R.” will be broadcast on NBC, and is slated as a midseason replacement. (Variety, get your weird speaking ass over here and cover this!)

Campaign stances: you want to hear ‘em, we’ve got ‘em. The big issue of the day…the economy. Both parties have been known to say they want a “bailout” package put together to help some of these financial giants along in their recovery. Bad idea, you’re only fueling the greed and rewarding it with cash. Instead, we’re proposing to turn Wall Street into a TRUE casino. McCain said it himself, Wall Street has cultivated a “casino culture”. Why not embrace it? Have you SEEN some of the payouts in Casinos? Our plan is to invite foreign nations to the trading floor, day in and day out, and have them gamble on our investments. Since “the house always wins” why not turn The Street into The House, and win all the time. We’d pay back our debts to other nations, and we’d be having fun. Plus, Stock Traders have such stressful jobs…you never see anyone in a casino act that stressed. It would not only allow us to start rebuilding the economy, it would also relieve the stress and worry of the trading floor.

I’d also like to put an announcement out there for all of you to pass along at your leisure…we’re now auditioning for Cabinet members. That’s right…YOU could be the next Secretary of State, the next Secretary of Defense, or even the most exciting post of all Secretary of the Interior!

The requirements:
- Must be born in the U.S., or at least be able to fake an American accent very well.
- Must NOT be a criminal…if you’re going to commit some sort of wrongdoing in office, we’d really appreciate not knowing about it up front so we can gasp in shock and horror when your ass gets indicted. It’s called “plausible deniability” for a reason.
- Must be able to name all six Bond actors at the drop of a hat.
- Must love dogs, long walks on the beach, and martinis.
- Must be REALLY good at faking the appearance of actual work.
- Must be 18 years or older, unless you’re a kid genius…then you’re automatically in.

All applicants must submit a brief summary of their qualifying attributes, campaign bribes, etc. to the comments section of this post. Cabinet members will be announced whenever I feel like selecting them, and if there aren’t enough people applying to fill the whole cabinet, I’ll simply fill them with fictional characters and celebrities I see fit for the respective duties. Please, no Alaskan governors!

On our final talking point of the day, we’ve picked our campaign song. After soliciting zero votes from the public, we decided on “Gives You Hell” by the All American Rejects, because that’s exactly what we want to give the competition. That’s all for this week, look for campaign biographies and cabinet member updates to come soon.

Reyes/Donaghy ‘08 -Proud as a Peacock


Anonymous said...

"Must be born in the U.S., or at least be able to fake an American accent very well."


Mr. Controversy said...

Nothing against you Seresecros. Besides, I was going to offer you an ambassadorship.

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