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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Let The Monster Rise

Bad news, everyone…my Happy Monday was killed. As of 3:31 PM, EST yesterday my Happy Monday was shot through it’s chest with an overload of information requests by an anonymous assassin. It was only half an hour until the end, and it got taken down like a steak dangled in front of a lion. It slowly bled out, and as it did I felt myself turning. Simply put, Happy Monday Mike is gone for now…the Dark Mike is back. Which lead me to post this on Pajiba in reference to Hollywood’s recent spate of release date fuckups.

Dear Hollywood,

So...you don't want ANYONE to go to the movies after mid November, do you? If you did, you wouldn't have robbed us of Harry Potter, Star Trek, and now The Road, the Soloist, and Defiance.

Well guess what, Hollywood? You're gonna DIE this Holiday season. I mean, c'mon, "Twilight"? You're either a eunich or an emo if you're looking forward to seeing that.

Four Christmases? You think THAT shit is gonna fly? Vince Vaughn stopped being charming after Wedding Crashers, he should be making serial killer pictures or dramas by now. (Speaking of which, wasn't he set to adapt "Against All Enemies"? I would rather see that shit than a weak assed Oliver Stone film about Dubya. You've lost it old man!)

Changling? Not only is it hard for NFL announcers to pronounce, I'm actually TIRED of seeing Angelina Jolie in "awards hungry, mommy under pressure" flicks. I saw A Mighty Heart, and not only did I want my time back, but I was frightened by the birthing scene and how Angelina Jolie turned into the PredAlien in five seconds flat.)

The Day The Earth Stood Still? Yeah, I want to see Keanu Reeves in a movie where he ISN'T doing wire fu. It looks like warmed leftovers from The Day After Tomorrow. Toss it into the pile with Madagascar 2. Really, I only see myself watching Bolt and Quantum of Solace. That's about it.

I've torn your Fall release schedule a new asshole, Hollywood. And you know what? The rest of the Fall, I'll go and frolic about. I'll have a life, I'll enjoy the great outdoors, I'll even talk to my family. Just to see you bleed like a Divorce Lawyer.

The Entertainment Masses endured through your fucking writer's strike, we'll endure this. And all the while, you'll lose more money than you would have earned if you just left everything the fuck alone, and South Park will make fun of your greedy asses again.

Fuck off,
Mike R.

P.S. Warner Brothers, you pissed me off the most. First with your cheap assed DVD practices (giving every fucking movie an "Ultimate Edition" box set), and then with your screwing over Trick 'R Treat. It should be added to the list of "casualties" in your Fall schedule. People like the movie, the production company liked the movie, RELEASE THE FUCKING MOVIE ALREADY, YOU DUMBSHITS!

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