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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also a film journalist/critic for Cocktails & Movies and CinemaBlend, as well as the author of several short stories such as "The Devil v. George W. Bush". Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: mikereyeswrites@gmail.com

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Thursday, October 16, 2008

My Debate with John McCain(bot)

Thanks to 23/6 (Test your debate skills against Old Man McCain- he's online now!) I was able to debate a virtual representation of noneother than Grandpa Cranky Pants McGee-erson. I have another, better feature I'm working on, but since that won't be done anytime soon, and I'd rather not rush it, here's the next best thing!

John McCain : I hope you brought some ointment for your "you-know-what."

Mr. Controversy : What?

John McCain : I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over those bombs being set by the terrorist William Ayers.

Mr. Controversy : William Ayers is a professor, not a terrorist. Sure, he was a part of a radical anti Vietnam movement, but nowadays he's as harmful as you.

John McCain : Oh, good one, "that one."

Mr. Controversy : "that one"

John McCain : I'd argue that you don't connect with Joe Sixpack, but then again, Muslims don't drink beer. Not that you're a Muslim. I'm just saying, they don't. It's a fact.

Mr. Controversy : First off, I'm Puerto Rican/German/American. Second of all Joe Sixpack is a dundering fuckwit, again much like you.

John McCain : I'd say your campaign is "all out of love." Like that song...who's that by? Oh, yes. Ayers Supply. What?

Mr. Controversy : Yeah, we'll you're "one foot in the grave" like that british sitcom theme song. You'd know that if you were ever outside of the country, except to bomb the shit out of another country.

John McCain : The truth is, Senator, I would actually lower taxes on people making more than $10 million a year. How's that for being a friend to the middle class?

Mr. Controversy : Middle class? You finally acknowledge they exist?

John McCain : Well, as a POW who spent five years as a POW in a POW camp, I would say, in my POW opinion that…oh, my time is up? Oops.

Mr. Controversy : Yeah, your point was?

John McCain : Sure, it's easy to know "facts" when your brain isn't always thinking about how much you love the troops, like mine is.

Mr. Controversy : I respect the troops. You merely "support" them.

John McCain : I've always been in favor of pre-de-re-unregulating the banking system.

Mr. Controversy : Yes, well I'm for Re-pre-deregulating the banking system.

John McCain : Terrorism is still a threat. We must always worry whether underground groups will…

Mr. Controversy : Yes, terrorism is still a threat. When did it stop being a threat? It's been a threat since the dawn of civilization.

John McCain : I said, we have to worry WEATHER UNDERGROUND sleeper cells might…oh, forget it.

Mr. Controversy : Score one for me.

John McCain : Alright, I've had it with you. That's it. I'm taking the gloves off.

Mr. Controversy : First you have to take them out of your puppet's ass. By the way, how's Sarah?

John McCain : Whoops. I just realized I'm not wearing gloves. That's just my wrinkly hand skin.

Mr. Controversy : Way to go, Crypt Keeper.

John McCain : I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over those bombs being set by the terrorist William Ayers.

Mr. Controversy : And scene.

John McCain : Oh, good one, "that one."

Mr. Controversy : Fuck off, old man.


Anonymous said...

Muslims only ever drink fine Scotch. It's science, you can;t argue with it.

Mr. Controversy said...

See, why can't people spread THAT stereotype. All muslims drink the finest scotch, wear smoking jackets, and have intellectual conversations on religion.

Anonymous said...

Cos, sadly, it's not true. Turns out... Muslims are rubbish.

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