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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

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Friday, October 31, 2008

The Recovering Republican Reaches Out

Before I get started, I just wanted to open up with this web link:

Yes, it's true. Contrary to what you've heard, McCain still stands a chance to win this thing. Every day you hear about the race "tightening", and if it truly is tightening then you should expect it to look like Sarah Palin trying to smile by Tuesday.
Make no mistakes about it, we're still locked in Electoral combat. However, I'm not here to talk about the election in general. I'm actually here to talk about the McCain campaign's latest strategy...palling around with homegrown celebrities.

Remember THIS old chestnut?

As it turns out, celebrities really DO like Obama. Here's the proof:

George Clooney, Will Smith, Robert DeNiro, Matt Damon, Chris Rock, Tom Hanks...FUCK he danced with Ellen DeGeneres! In the daytime talk world that's like getting a blessing from the Pope! (Ellen also has blessed Joe Biden, by having him engage in a dunking of Julia Louis Dreyfus on her show.) Shit, if my opponent had that many celebrities clamoring for their election, I'd be scared too. So what did McCain do when his strategy backfired? The same thing he did when is "experience" strategy backfired...he caved like an avalanche.

In perhaps the biggest hypocritical move since naming Sarah Palin (a candidate with not even close to enough relevant experience to the White House) his Vice Presidential candidate, McCain has sunk to "celebrity" endorsements. Most recently, football player John Elway and Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry have jumped onto the bandwagon of celebrity endorsements. However, these aren't the celebrities McCain is flaunting to the world. Instead, he's showcasing one that he's pretty much made himself, and one that's been made by the Republican Party itself. Samuel Wurzelbacher, aka "Joe The Plumber" and Elizabeth Hasselbeck, aka "Lizzy the Wrench". Apparently, the McCain campaign was steeped to it's eyes in such shit, they needed a plumber to snake the drain.

Samuel made his claim to fame by being the infamous plumber who wanted to buy a business, but was afraid Obama's tax plan would hurt his income with that magic "Over $250K" tax hike. Ms. Hasselbeck has repeatedly made her views known to the world through her squabbles on The View, and her reputation is so well known that every time she has a fight with someone on the show people wonder who's going to quit next. So, to recap, John McCain has bashed Obama for not having enough experience to be president, and has made fun of him being a "celebrity"...so to respond to the rising tide of poll data, he nominated an improperly vetted, inexperienced vice presidential candidate and has started to pal around with celebrities of his own.

Does something smell funny to you? I think Joe needs to snake the drain again. At least he could...if he were even a licensed plumber. I'm really sorry, but I have a hard time sympathizing with a guy who can't pay his taxes, isn't even licensed to do the job he's famous for, and has hired a publicist while trying to wrangle himself a country music record deal. Yeah, thanks Sam, you're really helping the nation by being an idiot in front of all of the cameras. You too, Lizzy McDumbass. Sarah Palin has been trotting her out at campaign functions, and people are actually LISTENING to what she has to say. This isn't like on The View where there's people voicing dissent (or in the case of Sherri Shepherd, just trying to passively diffuse it so everyone can talk about meaningless bullshit again).

The McCain campaign has become erratic, vitriolic, and generally abrasive; particularly with the "Obama pals around with terrorists" claim. Well, I don't think McCain had any staffers watching Olbermann on October 6th, otherwise they'd have responded to this:

That's right, the second coming of Annie Oakley has herself been seen with terrorists. Terrorists who are nutjobs and believe Alaska shouldn't be a part of America, because it's government are a bunch of dumbasses. Do you really want someone who's not only been seen with terrorists, but has been proven to have been a part of them up until 2002, being a lack of a heartbeat away from the White House? Give me a break.

Everyone needs to just take a deep breath and think about what they're doing. If you want to vote Republican, fine...just do it after you've really thought about it. You have 4 days until the Election, that's plenty of time to crack open a web browser and read up. Don't go just by campaign commercials and newscasts, seek the knowledge YOU need to pick the next President of the United States.

Oh, and it turns out that Joe the Plumber is indeed registered to vote. (http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/1008/The_Joe_file.html) I wonder who he'll pick come Election Day?

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