Frost/Nixon was a really good movie, and as everyone knows Michael Sheen and Frank Langella are magnetic on the screen together. Well, in an effort to bottle the lightning that is the magic of Frost/Nixon, as well as provide the Academy with an action film they won't feel guilty nominating for the top prize, I've decided to write a sequel to Frost/Nixon. Unfortunately, Universal Pictures wouldn't option the scriptment that I wrote, so I'm going to have to produce it in house here at Horrendous Pictures.
Now, I don't have anyone signed yet, but I'm hoping Peter Morgan will help me write the full script, as well as having Sheen and Langella reprise their respective roles. I'd also be honored if Kevin Bacon, Sam Rockwell, and Oliver Platt would come back to play their roles as well, and finally I'd like to say that if Ron Howard doesn't want to direct this after reading it, then I wonder if Quentin Tarantino would be up for the task.
Frost/Nixon II: Dick Harder
(We see the Universal and Working Title logos, and then fade to black. We see a grainy image, reminiscent of a Grindhouse film as Title Cards start to appear on the screen, with a narrator reading each card.)
(Cut to clip of the “drunk dial” scene from Frost/Nixon.)
Title Card/Narrator: He was disrespected.
(Cut to clip of “When the president does it, it’s not illegal” scene.)
Title Card/Narrator: Now…it’s payback time.
(We cut to black and hear a phone ringing. It’s answered.)
Nixon (V.O.): Hello?
Frost (V.O.): Dick? I’m gonna need your help.
(Slowly fade in to Nixon sitting in his chair. He looks surprised to be hearing from Frost.)
Frost (V.O): I’ve been digging into Watergate, and I think I’ve found something you’d be interested in. (dramatic pause) I found out who set you up.
(Nixon sits straight up in his chair, ready for action.)
Nixon: David…can I trust you?
Frost (V.O.): Of course you can Dick…I’m your worthy adversary.
Nixon: That’s good…because we’re gonna bury these motherfuckers.
(Quick cut to Nixon opening a closet filled with guns and campaign posters for his second term. Nixon fills a duffel bag with some ammo, a couple pistols, and a copy of his enemies list. Quick cut to Nixon facing the camera. He stands like an action hero, and cocks his shotgun.)
Nixon: (triumphantly) NIXON’S BAAAACK, BITCHES!
(We superimpose an explosion and cut to the title: Frost/Nixon II: Dick Harder.)
Narrator: Frost/Nixon II: Dick Harder! Dick’s back, and he’s harder than ever to beat!
(Cut to: Nixon arriving at David Frost’s home. Frost looks worried.)
Frost: (hurriedly) Hello, good evening, and wel…
(Nixon approaches him with a second shotgun and a bulletproof vest.)
Nixon: David, we don’t have time for this right now. We’ve got Commies to hunt.
Nixon: You heard me! Khrushchev and Mao are behind this, aren’t they? Those lousy goddamn commies, I’ll bury the whole fucking lot of them!
Frost: Well no, Dick…actually it’s Henry Kissinger. He wanted you out so he could steal the world’s gold reserves for himself. Also, he…he has Checkers.
Nixon: (drops his duffel bag in shock) That little Jew…he doesn’t know the first THING about raising a Cocker Spaniel. He doesn’t even have the patience to walk his own dogs! Let’s go bust some heads David!
(Nixon runs to the drivers seat, Frost follows but looks worried.)
Frost: Wait a minute, hold on…are you saying that we’re going to go and murder Henry Kissinger? Are you saying that it’s ok for us to go and just snuff out someone’s life?
Nixon: I’m saying that when the President does it…(Nixon cocks his .45)… it’s NOT a question.
Narrator: Worthy adversaries…now a two man army dedicated to truth, justice, and a good old fashioned American asskicking.
Nixon: Who’s our first target?
Frost: Jack Brennan.
(Cut to Henry Kissinger’s lair. It’s a very Bond Villain looking affair, complete with shark tank and gold vat. Dangled over the Gold Vat is Bob Zelnick, and dangled over the shark tank is James Reston, Jr. Kissinger is sitting in the corner, trying to teach Checkers to fetch.)
Kissinger: Now then gentlemen, you understand why you’re here, right?
Zelnick: Yes, yes we do…you wanted us over for a luau.
Reston: Bob, don’t give that scumbag anything to work with. (he looks at Kissinger with seething hatred) You’ll never get away with this, just NEVER! People will come looking for us! We have familes, jobs, lives that are irreplaceable.
(Kissinger walks up the stairs to the observation platform right next to the shark tank. He slaps Reston in the face, and starts to shake with visible anger.)
Kissinger: You’re lives are shit to me! SHIT! You will NEVER walk out of this room alive, BOTH OF YOU! I am going to show Nixon how his shortsighted…
(Kissinger uses air quotes)
Kissinger: …“honor” got us into this mess. If he had just burned the goddamn tapes, we would have gotten off scott free and I wouldn’t be reduced to plan B.
Zelnick: What’s plan B?
Kissinger: I’m going to steal the world’s gold reserves and melt them down, so I can encase all of my enemies in it. They will stand as shrines to why you don’t fuck with Henry Adolf Kissinger!
Reston: No…no, you CAN’T BE!
(Cut to: Kissinger’s back)
Kissinger: Oh yes, I am…
(Kissinger turns dramatically, and we see a familiar mustache on his face. An all too familiar and terrifying mustache.)
Kissinger: …ZE LOST SON OF ADOLF HITLER!
(Kissinger maniacally laughs.)
Narrator: In this world, terror knows no bounds…but lucky for us…
(Cut to Nixon busting down doors, and Frost following him into the house.)
Narrator: …they’ll rise to the occasion!
(Cut To: Jack Brennan, sitting on his couch, watching television. He turns his head and faces the noise.)
Nixon (V.O.): BRENNAN! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT?!
Brennan: (whispered) FUCK! NIXON!
(Jack runs to the bathroom to hide. He has his back turned to the shower, when the door opens up and David Frost appears.)
Frost: Hello, good evening and…
(Frost shoots his knees out.)
Frost: …kneel, asshole!
(Frost steps out of the shower, grabs the henchman by the lapels, and starts to interrogate him.)
Frost: Now you’ve only got five minutes until the blood lost from your knees kills you. Where’s Kissinger?!
Brennan: (panicked) I..I don’t know what you’re talking about.
(Frost pistol whips Brennan.)
Frost: Wrong answer, cocksucker! WHERE’S KISSINGER?!
Brennan: He’s in an underground lair…
(Frost pistol whips him again.)
Brennan: Under…La Casa Pacifica…
Frost: There’s a good lad.
(Frost headshots Brennan. Cut to: Frost rejoining Nixon in the living room.)
Nixon: Well? Where are we going?
Frost: To Kissinger’s underground lair…they’ve set up shop right underneath your house.
Nixon: Those cocksuckers! Get me my Gatt!
(Cut to: The Underground Lair entrance, where we can still hear Kissinger laughing maniacally. We also see a line of beautiful femme fatales clad in bikinis covered with swastikas and guarding the main doors. An elevator door opens, and we see Frost step out to greet the ladies.)
Narrator: One’s a man of persuasion…
Frost: (ever so coyly) Hello, g’d evening, and welcome…I’m David Frost, and I’m your lover for this evening.
(Frost tears off his suit to reveal a Speedo underneath. The ladies swoon and run towards him.)
Narrator: …and one’s a man of action!
(Nixon drops out of an air vent on a wire, a la Mission: Impossible, to hover in front of the elevator doors. He’s carrying his Gattling Gun, along with several strings of ammo.)
Nixon: DUCK, DAVID!
(Frost hits the floor, and we see Nixon mow down the guards with his chain gun. We even get a slow-mo shot of Nixon yelling in primal, Rambo-esque manhood as he sprays the room with lead. Two seconds later, all of the guards are dead except for one. Nixon stands over her, she looks at him with pleading eyes.)
Nazi Bikini Guard #12: Please, Herr President…let me at least change into some respectable clothes before you kill me.
(Cut to: Nazi Bikini Guard’s POV)
Nixon: Sorry sweetheart…I don’t do cover ups.
(Nixon aims for her head, and unloads his clip.)
Narrator: Both are bastards tough as nails in… Frost/Nixon II. Two means two times the suspence…
(Cut to Frost and Nixon hiding in a corridor)
Frost: He’s got my friends in there, Dick!
Nixon: And he’s got my Checkers in there, David! But I’m not going to blow the mission over my emotions, goddamnit!
(We cut back and forth between both of their pained expressions. Dueling faces, if you will.)
Narrator: …two means two times the danger…
(Cut to: Nixon and Kissinger fistfighting on a catwalk above the gold vat/shark tank. Frost is looking for the off switch that’ll stop his friends from being lowered into their respective tanks.)
Nixon: Why’d you do it, Henry?! WHY?!
(Nixon lands a punch. Kissinger headbutts him shortly after.)
Kissinger: Because you Americans don’t know what to DO with power. You don’t even deserve it! You triumph the weak, you lord yourself over the stupid, hell…you even worship an eagle, for godsake.
Nixon: That eagle is everything this country stands for, and you’d better salute it you Nazi kraut!
Narrator: …two means two times the justice!
(Nixon gutpunches Kissinger and gets him into a headlock. Kissinger struggles, but Nixon wins as he snaps his neck and tosses him into the shark tank. As the body hits the water, we freeze frame the image. Kissinger’s face is frozen in a permanent grimace.)
Narrator: Frost/Nixon II: Dick Harder! Coming soon to a theater near you!
(Nixon kicks down a door, shotgun in hand, and speaks directly to the camera.)
Nixon: YOU DON’T FUCK AROUND WITH THE DICK! THE DICK FUCKS AROUND WITH YOU!
(Nixon fires a shot at the camera. We cut to credits, and fade to black.)