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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

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Monday, February 9, 2009

GAAAH!

Dear GOD there’s nothing to talk about at length today! Bad news, yes, but nothing to actually form a prolonged rant about. So, here’s some short bits for you all. I apologize for the lack of extended vitriol, it’s just all shite.

- He’s Just Not That Into You was number 1 at the box office = No Fucking Surprise. Honestly, who didn’t see that coming? It’s the time of year where self indulgent tripe that castigates men and belittles women is released and gobbled up by those who it belittles, while the men are suckered into watching.

- The Suleman Octuplets…couldn’t give a flying fuck. How many times does the media have to run the video of Ms. Suleman’s mother talking about how baby crazy she is, before they see that offering her media notoriety is a BAD idea. I feel sorry for those kids, because to their mother they seem nothing more than a meal ticket/extended exercise in self fulfillment.

- Dancing With The Stars announced their lineup today, and not surprisingly I don’t care about that either. Wow…you’re teaching people who wouldn’t normally know how to dance…how to fucking dance! If I wanted to watch this type of thing, I’d hang out around the local dance studio and, maybe, take lessons myself. I know some of you will say, “Oh but it’s celebrities dancing!” Well, just because it’s celebrities doesn’t make it better. By that logic, the following shows should be interesting:

o Celebrity Executions
o Celebrity Genocide
o Celebrity Bird Calling
o Celebrity To Catch A Predator

Actually, that last one could work. Get me NBC on the phone!

- The Grammys were on last night. Once again, shit reigned supreme with the performances and some decent awards were given out. I didn’t even need to watch it to know that. Though, I would pay for a YTMND meme of Chris Brown and Rhianna’s heads on the two Pikachus from that one scene in Pokemon: The First Movie. You know, the one where the real one slaps the fake one around. Bonus points if you use the song from the Doublemint gum commercial Chris Brown made. (Yes, I am a sick bastard; but No, I don’t condone domestic violence. They’re celebrities, everything’s supposed to be better with them, remember?!)

- Christian Bale apologized for his blow up on the set of Terminator: Salvation. Stop giving him shit about it. I’d rather hire an actor who cares about his goddamn performance than his paycheck, so if he’s going to chew out the DP, then let him. Besides, I subscribe to the popular belief that if McG knew how to handle a fucking set, he’d have reigned in both the DP and Bale’s behaviors. This is Lucy Liu vs. Bill Murray all over again, and guess who didn’t show up for Charlies’ Angles: Full (Retard) Throttle.

- I’m still not watching The Oscars.

- Ticketmaster still sucks, particularly with their little Tickets Now scam. People SHOULD be afraid of their proposed merger/monopoly with Live Nation, because that could be the end of mainstream live music as we know it. (Smaller venues/acts will live on, so long as they stay away from that Ticketmaster shit.)

- Dollhouse will probably last only five weeks, with three unaired episodes, and no renewal for a second season on Fox. Joss Whedon will continue not to get the hint, and develop more intriguing concepts for the network that (with the exception of 24 and House) has cornered the market mediocrity.

- You know what industry hasn’t pissed me off lately? The publishing industry, and this is not because of the reasons you might think. I’ve just found myself reading more and more lately. PRISCO, GODDAMNIT LOOK WHAT YOU’VE TURNED ME INTO!

- MSN’s entertainment writers SUCK! It’s becoming nothing more than EW left overs from the turn of the Millenium…which is about the same time I stopped reading EW regularly. Coincidence? Definitely not. Doubt me? Read their Grammy’s Recap. Here’s a sample: Conspicuous absence: Jennifer Aniston, not sitting next to honey John Mayer, who won for Male Pop performance. (Or is he just not that into her?) Kati Johnston, you best be fired. (And M.I.A.'s outfit is fugly beyond all get out. Are you blind?)

- Speaking of MSN, WonderWall is a piece of shit! It looks like TMZ and Perez Hilton had a baby that combined their father’s nosiness and their mother’s ability to be annoying to the point of self abuse.

- Tucker Max still doesn’t deserve a movie. Then again, it IS being produced by 20th Century Fox, and we know how committed to excellence they are.

- I could watch House reruns like my girlfriend watches CSI reruns and my father watches NCIS reruns. It’s my “cozy” show, meaning when there’s nothing on and I’m in the mood to turn off and just relax, I put on the reruns. (I don’t watch 24 reruns to relax, I watch them to get keyed up and take some shit down. Speaking of which…)

- Now that 24 is back, I don’t have to fear Mondays anymore. In fact, the only thing the Fox network is doing right (besides giving shows like Terminator, Dollhouse and Lie To Me a shot) is having House/24 Mondays. It is now the most holy day of the week.

4 comments:

Jeremy Feist said...

FUn fact of the day: I was channel surfing and happened to pass the Canadian version of TLC up here, and guess which show was on? The motherfucking Duggars. The show after it was "The Half-Ton Man". Seriously, why does TLC feel the need to reinforce the very worst in people?

Mr. Controversy said...

Yeah, I forgot they too had a TV show, "17 and Counting". You know, I remember when TLC used to be quality kids programming and interesting documentaries.

Now, it's nothing more than a reality TV hellhole, seeing as other, better networks (The History Channel) took the documentary market by storm. So what if a majority of their programming is World War II, I'd rather see the tactics of Stalingrad or the successes/failures of Operation Market Garden. PLUS, when there's a history movie coming out, they love running docs on the relevant subject matter. At least you learn with the History Channel.

Marra Alane said...

because to their mother they seem nothing more than a meal ticket/extended exercise in self fulfillment.

To be fair, I was always under the impression that this is how most people see their children. That, or some rediculous way to recapture their youth, or create mini-mes, or some such idiot thing. God, kids are such a bad decision.

Mr. Controversy said...

Some parents, I would have to agree, are like that. Not all though. I mean sure, everyone has the genetic impetus to want another copy of themselves, but also at its best parenting is wanting to make a version of you that isn't as fucked up.