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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also a film journalist/critic for Cocktails & Movies and CinemaBlend, as well as the author of several short stories such as "The Devil v. George W. Bush". Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: mikereyeswrites@gmail.com

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Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Song and Dance, Bar 5

The Doctors that delivered the Suleman Octuplets have gone on record with some medical advice, that I firmly believe in. This one goes out to all the CloverBreeders out there!

Keep 'Em Closed (to the tune of Be Our Guest)

Keep 'em closed,
keep 'em closed
Stay 'way from your husband's hose.
Just stop making all the babies, because ev'rybody knows.

That you'll try to reserve
Attention totally undeserved
Or a book about you fuckers!
Don't believe me? Ask the Duggars!

With each interview, you're scheming!
For the spotlight you've been dreaming!
But please give your uterus a well earned rest!
Give up and leave the scene
Angie Jolie is green
So Keep 'em closed!
Keep it closed!
Keep 'em closed!

Trojan Condoms,
or The Foam,
or just simply do not bone!
It's so easy, not so sleazy
To put end to all the kiddies.

Do you need
a softball team?
or do you really like to scream?
As your passing through a new batch,
lay this big thought right down to hatch.

You don't work! You just spawn!
Whilst the Today Show folks fawn,
and you make more dough than us with jobs will get!

Oh it's a pain in the ass,
to see you rolling in cash!
Keep 'em closed!
You should know, to just leave well enough alone!
Keep 'em closed
Keep 'em closed
Keep 'em closed!

And now ladies and gentlemen, to skip to the big finish!

We're so sick, we're so tired!
You're fifteen minutes, have expired!
Get your asses and your faces off TV!
Fuck Jon and Kate, Plus Eight,
Stay home and masturbate!
Keep 'em closed!
Shut 'em closed!
Sew it closed!

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