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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also a film journalist/critic for Cocktails & Movies and CinemaBlend, as well as the author of several short stories such as "The Devil v. George W. Bush". Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: mikereyeswrites@gmail.com

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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Media, Darling

So MSNBC is looking for a new 10 PM host, and they haven’t had much luck. Well, that’s because they’re looking in the wrong place. They’ve been courting people who already have preexisting markets on the Internet and in Radio, when what they need is an unknown. Someone who has a limited audience, plenty of stamina and matches the youthful image of the network’s hard hitting approach (along with questionable morals, and a media ready personality). That someone…is me.That’s right, MSNBC, I’m offering you the deal of a life time. Using the same argument that I did back in High School that made me think I’d be assured the chance to play Obi Wan Kenobi or James Bond, I propose to you a plan to both give you a new 10 PM host and make me incredibly famous (or infamous, I’m not picky) at the same time. What argument is that? It’s the “Young and Talented” argument.

The Young and Talented Argument
- I’m young.
- I’m talented.
- I’d sign on for multiple pictures in an attempt to break Roger Moore’s record.
- I have my own lightsaber, and I’ve memorized the moves from the Episode I teaser trailer.
- I have those pictures of your daughter’s drinking illegally in that Texas bar, when the Secret Service was making bets on who’d lose her top first. (We all knew Barbara would win.)
- I’d work for cheaper than some personalities would, and don’t mind the 10 PM slot.
- Olbermann and I would make good friends. (I don’t know Ms. Maddow that well, but I have a feeling she’d be cool too.)
- Jack Donaghy was my VP candidate during the 2008 primaries, and he owns you all!

Ok, so I threw a couple more details in there. The key is, I’m ready and I’m willing to go on live television for an hour and yell about things I don’t have particular stake in, but know something about. Why? Because it’s the way to go these days! You don’t sing or dance to become a star these days, you either lose your clothes on “reality TV” or you provide the world with your accessible, yet fundamentally flawed perspective on reality.

Plus, I’m 25. My demographic isn’t exactly spoken to by someone our age. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are awesome, don’t get me wrong, but they aren’t 25. I am. If they are to truly succeed, they also need someone in the younger ranks that’ll carry the banner with them, and I see no better candidate than myself. (C’mon, you hired Tucker Carlson! You need to redeem yourselves for THAT.) With a 10 PM timeslot, I can be the perfect primer for those Stewart/Colbert audiences. They can watch “Mr. Controversy”, then they can watch “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report”, and then they can watch Adult Swim reruns/Futurama reruns/watch me again at Midnight.

Finally, I’d like to offer one final argument. I’m turning to mathematics once more to prove why I’m right, so you won’t be able to get past this argument.

If...News = Controversy; And…I'm “Mr. Controversy”; Then…I’m perfect for a News position at MSNBC.

I’ll be waiting for your call.

Monday, March 30, 2009

The Devil’s Comedian

Here is another piece of short fiction, involving everyone's hellspawn The Devil. I don't know why it's so easy for me to write stories that depend on his existence, but I can't complain when it's given me so much material. This is a rough work I thought up on the spot this morning, here it is in its entirety for all of you to ponder, criticize and suggest edits and changes. Basically, i'm workshopping this piece with all of you, simply because...well, I like you all and your opinion matters. (And years down the line I'll probably try to sell you on my material, so I might as well start making friends now.)

With that I give you, "The Devil's Comedian".

There once was a comedian who, as his first ever live act had just begun, collapsed on stage. As it turns out, his heart gave out rather randomly, and through some sort of clerical error he was sent to Hell. Once there he met The Devil, who in this incarnation looked like a young Jerry Lewis.

“Ok…why am I in Hell?” asked the comedian, who did not have a clue and as such decided to start his string of inquiries in the most likely of places.

“Very simple, my dear boy”, said Jerry the Devil, “I need a laugh, and I figured I’d put you to the ultimate test down here.”

“But Mr. Satan…”

“Please, call me Jerry. I didn’t take on this form for nothing, and I HATE when people call me Mr. Satan.”

“Mr…Jerry, look I’m terribly sorry, but I never even got to finish my act. Not to mention, I’ve yet to test it or tell anybody the jokes I was going to use. Basically, you’re expecting me to make you laugh with a joke that’s never been told. A joke that for all intents and purposes may not even make you laugh. It might actually make you cry.”

“Look kid…I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve even sang and danced a couple times throughout eternity. Do you seriously think your act is going to make me THAT upset?”

“No”, replied the comedian, “but this was the joke that basically killed me.”“All the more reason you should tell it.”

“You sure you don’t want to hear a knock knock joke? I have a couple good ones, actually.”

Jerry grew slightly impatient, “No, no, no. I want to hear THE joke, or else you’re stuck here for all eternity.”

The comedian thought it through, chose his words carefully, and then answered. “Alright then. Here it goes. My name is Jon Forward, and I’ve had the worst life ever. You see, I was born an orphan. My mother and father were killed right in the operating room by a freak lighting bolt that tore the hospital I was born in to shreds. I was sent to an orphanage straight out of a Dickensian nightmare, where I worked and slaved away as a sweatshop employee. Shall I continue?”

Jerry looked a little bored, but realized that with time a punch line could be coming any second now. “Go right ahead”, he answered expectantly.

“Right. Well, after fifteen years on the job, I was prematurely retired by the fact that my right thumb doesn’t work properly anymore from all the sewing and weaving I’ve done with it. So I became a television repairman, and for ten more years, I was slaving away for little recognition and little wage. All the while, I was repairing people’s televisions so they could watch ‘Funny Freddy’s Friday Night Fun Fair’. So, I watched a lot of it and one day I decided to write to Funny Freddy in an effort to become an intern on his show. He accepted me, and he gave me my own segment, “Keep Moving Forward”. In it, I’d be made to do all sorts of embarrassing things…things any person in their right mind would want to back out of. Now at this point, Freddy would repeatedly answer my objections with the key phrase, ‘Keep Moving, Forward!’ This would naturally make the audience laugh, and would make Freddy and I both laugh.

In reality, Freddy couldn’t stand me. He thought I was nothing more than a talentless leach who tried to take over his show. So, as revenge, I decided to end our little ‘Keep Moving Forward’ bits and strike it out on my own. Our last bit, written by me, involved me in a dress, on a treadmill, with Freddy throwing eggs at me. I’d finally had enough, and at that point I produced a prop gun from my dress, causing Freddy to put up his hands in fear. I pointed the gun into his back, and he said, ‘Jon, what’s the meaning of all of this?!’ I told him to ‘keep moving forward’, and the audience laughed! Now this wasn’t all my doing, but it was a nice, encouraging start to my stand up career. I got myself signed on as an opening act to a big comedy show and just as I went on I froze. I didn’t know what to do, so I started to tell this story. Just as I was getting to about this point, someone yelled out…”

“Keep moving, Forward! I didn’t want to hear your life story, I wanted to hear a joke!”

Jon laughed, “That’s EXACTLY what the heckler said! I thought it was so funny, I laughed myself to death. Had I lived, my punchline would have been, “Sir if I was telling my life story, you’d be at my funeral!”

Jerry the Devil pondered the joke for a second and tried to laugh. He couldn’t. As a matter of fact, he was a little depressed as Jon had said he would. Finally, he came to a realization: “Wait a second, you’re saying that your death was the highest point of your life?"

Jon looked at Jerry and smiled. “Yeah. At that point, there was nowhere to go but down. Doesn’t that just make you laugh?”

At that point, Jerry laughed about as hard as he ever could. He laughed so hard, he shook the foundation of hell. Jon smiled, satisfied that he’d accomplished his mission.

“So, you thought that was a good one?”

Jerry looked at him square in the eyes, and through half laughter answered, “No. That was an awfully depressing, and painfully unfunny joke if I've ever heard one."

Jon looked crestfallen, "So, I assume I'll be stuck down here forever then?"

Jerry, still laughing, answered him through gasps of air, "Most certainly not."

This confused Jon. "But you said I wasn't funny?"

Jerry, still settling down from his laughing fit, answered slightly more firmly, "True, but this is the PERFECT payback for the boys upstairs kicking me out!” And with that, Jerry the Devil sent Jon up to Heaven, where he would play to Jesus, God, and St. Peter. But that, is another story.

The Monday GAAAH! (3/30/2009)

This weekend really seemed to fly by. I demand a redo! Ok, maybe not. After all, this weekend wasn’t exactly anything to write home about.

- Ok, so Knowing had more firepower than I expected and I Love You Man managed to fall a little quicker than expected, but Monsters Vs. Aliens 3D and The Haunting of Connecticut still made the top two. Meh, I’m still honing my skills here kids. Next weekends projections: Fast and Furious (or as I’ve come to call it “Fast and Furious: The Movie We Should Have Made Two Sequels Ago”), Adventureland, and bah I’ll just throw Knowing up there again.

- Eric Cantor has been putting up with some criticism for going to a Britney Spears concert the night of President Obama’s last press conference at the White House. This lead to, what Politico states as, “…the indignity of having his name appear in print next to the words “Britney Spears.” Well crap, if that’s an indignity, it’s a good thing the April Fools edition of my school newspaper never got printed back in High School. I was Photoshop-ed into a photo with her…and it was a WEDDING photo nonetheless. Now I’ll never be able to go into politics.

- Perez Hilton recently celebrated his birthday. I didn’t know society had moved onto a point where we celebrate atrocities instead of decrying them. Silly me. Though I find it funny that he got a bottle of champagne from Zac Efron, and was sung to by the Jonas Brothers. That’s not suggesting anything about them, is it?

- Norm Coleman has threatened to start “World War III” if Minnesota event tries to seat Al Franken as their senator before he’s finally exhausted every legal venue he can. Meanwhile, Minnesota is without a senator, and as such I’d like to suggest a couple temporary replacements: A bear, A moose, or myself. There, you have three political animals to choose from, and only one that can enter a room without destroying anything. (Though I’d still favor myself over the moose.)

- Watch the Where the Wild Things Are trailer. You’ll rejoice when you realize that THIS is what kids movies are supposed to be. (Well, like this and Up! Still waiting, Disney!)

- Fox News has launched its own opinion site, “Fox Nation”. This surprises me, since the word “opinion” usually leaves room for more than one option, which is the antithesis to the Fox News way.

- Hilary Duff is going to be on Law and Order: SVU. I’ve heard NBC is planning on airing reruns of “Heroes” and “To Catch A Predator”, figuring the special SVU will be a great lead-in for the “Pervert” demographic.

- High School Musical 3 won some Kids Choice Awards. I guess that’s the preteen entertainment industry’s “Retire Before You Embarrass Yourself” award, much like the Oscar is to the rest of the industry. (Though it is kinda funny seeing a Paramount owned network giving awards to a Disney produced project. Irony is not lost amongst the world yet.)

- ShoWest is this week. That’s the time of the year where all of us movie geeks who didn’t get our fill of teaser posters with ComicCon drool over all the new ad wonderment. Still no Avatar ads though, which makes me think if James Cameron has just been pissing Fox’s money down the drain, only to show up at the last minute and not have a movie. C’mon, TEN years we’ve been waiting for something, and nothing to advertise the film with a Christmas release date stamped into everyone’s DNA over at Lightstorm Entertainment. Mr. Cameron, I saw Titanic. It was an enjoyable film, but could have used some work. Hell, I started dating the woman I love with that film. I think you owe it to me, and the rest of the world, to start parting the curtains and start selling us on your latest “make or break” picture. We need to get excited about this, and we need to start getting excited now. Otherwise…there’s always going back to the Terminator series.

- Though, now that I think about it, maybe minimal hype and the release of a trailer/some images at the last moment will serve the film well. Either that, or it’ll Titanic your career. Either way, count me in for an IMAX 3D showing or two.

- I enjoy the show Two and a Half Men. It’s the perfect show to just turn off for the evening to, and as far as sitcoms go it’s quite funny and untraditional. That, and Charlie Sheen just makes me laugh. He really does take after his old man.

- Look Around You ended its Adult Swim run last week, and it was a fitting end to what’s fast become a comedic favorite of mine. I’m going to miss the show, but at least they’ve brought The Mighty Boosh to America to take its place. I’ve been familiarizing myself with the Boosh as of late, and so far it’s pretty damn funny. Looking forward to seeing the episodes online sometime this week. (Look up the Eels song on YouTube, it’s worth it!)

- Finally, that weasely ShamWOW guy (as opposed to the Grizzly Adams bearded one) got arrested for beating up a hooker! Something tells me he wanted to wear the microphone while they were engaged in activity, she denied him the right to record his own commentary and bit him, and thus he hurt a woman for denying him to record the ad for his new line of sexual stimulants, “StiffWOW!” Some people are so touchy these days.

Thanks to MSN, Politico and the Huffington Post for providing news I can read and snark on about. Also, should any of you find that the joke about “StiffWOW!” be tasteless, or not up to the quality you expect from this site, please send me a comment in the comments section, and I’ll see what I can do.

Friday, March 27, 2009

And now, for a quick and easy laugh...

Feel free to leave appropriate captions in the comments section. (Photo stolen from here.)

What Have We Learned This Week? (Week of March 27th)

To tell you the truth, we didn't really learn that much this week. Well maybe all of you have, from other sources who decided to get off their asses and actually publish this week. Whereas I have taught no real lessons this week. I apologize, I've been rather distracted lately (work's kept me quite busy). However, I do believe one lesson has been taught, and it was not by me.

As some of you know, a dear friend of the Pajiba community passed away. Alabama Pink, real name Amanda Amos, passed due to complications with leukemia. As the news broke yesterday on the homepage, everyone poured in with thoughts, wishes, remembrances, and genuinely fond feelings. It's a sad fact of life that societies band together the closest during times of great tragedy, as easily as they do in times of great joy. Reading through the posts people left, the same message seemed to recur...though most of us do not properly know each other, we can still call each other friend. I have never felt closer to a group of people who are, in actual practice, complete strangers; and I have never felt such a sense of loss and grief for someone I've never really known.

Best wishes to her family, and to all Pajibans out there, thanks for being so cool. I would like to close with my original post from that morning, as a lasting tribute to this woman of strength.

"I'm a youngling here, so I'm not going to assume I knew her well, but I knew of her. That alone is a testiment to her life, because to be known and remembered by even one person is still a legacy.

Ms. Pink, it's a shame you are not with us right now. May the view from Heaven be kind to you, for if it exists then that is where you surely rest. May you see the lives of those you loved flourish, and may you give them inspiration in their time of need. From this point we honor you. We shall sing your praises, and remember the laughs and smiles you gave us. And some small part of us will always be in our minds, waiting for the day we get to reunite with you, our dearest friend.

Rest in Peace, you gentle warrior queen, for you have surely earned it."

Monday, March 23, 2009

The Monday GAAAH! 3/23/09

Another Monday has arrived, and since it's one of the 24 or so Mondays I get to sit back and watch Jack Bauer defend America, it's not that bad.

- My condolences to my geek brethren who are Battlestar Galactica fans. I haven't seen the show yet (still delaying on starting the miniseries, so I can refresh myself before I watch Season 1 for the first time), but it sucks when a good show goes off the air. May you find yourselves replete with Doctor Who reruns.

- If ever riding in a car I’m driving, DO NOT play John Powell music…unless you want me to drive thinking I’m in an action movie with a lot of car chases. (Even the Bolt soundtrack.)

- Speaking of which, I have to criticize Disney on the bad move of only releasing the Blu Ray of Bolt on Sunday, while the rest of us have to wait until Tuesday to buy the movie. Yeah, I know it comes with a DVD copy, but you know what? I STILL DON’T HAVE A BLU RAY PLAYER! In fact, I’m sure there’s a significant percentage of people that are in the same boat, and we don’t appreciate you being idiots and trying to get us to spend $10 extra on a disc we cannot use until you rerelease the damn movie in a 4 disc Blu Ray “More Bark For Your Buck” edition! Don’t follow Warner Brothers’ example when it comes to cheap stunts with DVD releases.

- Don’t ever buy an Acme catapult. Trust me on this, even if you’re not a coyote with a genius IQ, it still doesn’t work.

- I called last weekend’s box office results! The only mistake I made was I thought awkward man love would have trumped catastrophic catastrophe buried in a number find puzzle. Next weekend’s predictions: Monsters vs. Aliens 3D, I Love You Man, The Haunting in Connecticut.

- To anybody who went to see Knowing this weekend, or plans on seeing it in the near future: Congratulations, your money is going to be used to make New Moon. (Come to think of it, they could kill even more in the box office by throwing together a simple teaser with voiceover and the logo, throw it onto the current prints for Knowing, and advertise the hell out of it. Also, just tell the girls seeing this movie will help them pay for better sparkle effects.)

- I was published on Pajiba again. Clearly they’ve realized that their last assassin’s attempt on my life ended with him falling into the ocean…ok, so it was a vat of salt water taffy. I shall await the next challenger with the taffy made from his predecessor.

- “Catastrophic Catastrophe”…sounds like a good spoof title. Or an Indie Rock band that’ll become popular with the college set. (Think “Vampire Weekend”.) I call dibs on that name, btw.

- Nature needs to make up its mind. Is it Spring or is it Winter? (There IS no “Sprinter” option here.)

- Liam Neeson = Class act. He waved and smiled to the paparazzi at his wife’s funeral, he wave and smiled when he visited her in the hospital, and this is amazing considering if he wanted to he’d have every right to flip out on them and break their cameras/faces. This is what we call class and restraint, and I think it needs to be rewarded when it’s present.

- Who wants to bet Mad Money gets cancelled within the next two months? Anybody?

- I want to see Up! really, really badly. Disney, if you’re reading this, I will seriously dress up in the Stitch costume for a day, FOR FREE, if I could get advanced screening tickets to take my girlfriend and my family to see Up! I’ll even talk to kids in the Stitch voice, I’ve done it before!

Friday, March 20, 2009

What Have We Learned This Week? (Week of Mar. 20th)

So what have we learned this week, besides "Mike doesn't always meet his self imposed morning deadlines, so he ends up not posting anything for two days"?

Well, we've learned that the media really needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and see if it likes the reflection of a two dollar prostitute that shines back. If it doesn't, then they should realize that the handling of Natasha Richardson's death was a shameful exercise in paparazzi tactics and speculation the likes of which we have not seen in quite some time, if ever. Liam Neeson and the rest of the family should sue the living shit out of them. (Special demerits go out to TMZ for getting the story wrong the most. You seriously expect people to treat you with respect when you go out and do this type of stuff? If you can piss off Tom Hanks, then you know it's time to scale it back a bit.)

We've also learned that sometimes the people that make us laugh are also the ones that make us think. The two are not mutually exclusive, and generally work well together...so long as they are equally balanced. Also, say what you will about President Obama's Tonight Show visit, but at least the man is making an effort to bring this country back to the prosperity it had before. We just might have to work harder at it than we thought. Besides, would you rather have someone working their ass off to get it right, or would you rather have someone sit back and let it all fall where it may?

Finally, I think we've learned that nature has the capability to kill us, and she has no compunction about sending one of her minions to do us in.

With those lessons learned, I'm going to go hide under my desk now. Have a good weekend everyone!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Tucker Carlson: The Bow Tied Thriller

A couple years back, a friend of mine told me a story. A story I’m not so surprised was true. You see, this friend was a writer for a blog back in high school, and he happened to write a big rant on Tucker Carlson. He mocked him in this particular rant, and supposedly this was enough to prompt Mr. Carlson to call him on the phone. To recap: Tucker Carlson called a high schooler on the phone to yell at him for a rant he wrote about him. Naturally, this wasn’t a pleasant phone call, and the unpleasantly wasn’t limited to Carlson’s mere douchey air. He swore, he got angry, and he generally made an ass of himself on the phone with my friend. What did my friend do? He blasted him again on the Internet. Why? Because Tucker Carlson isn’t a threat, he’s a big fat joke.

This is the guy who thought he’d be taken seriously wearing a BOW TIE to a news program. That’s right, he decided to sit at the big kids table wearing something his mother probably picked out for him that very morning. (Though as of late, he’s switched to a traditional cravate. I guess he’s dressing himself now.) This is the guy who as a contestant on Dancing with the Stars limited his dancing to moving about in a chair. Yeah, because chair dancing is so hot. (Though, to his credit, he did say, “Teaching me (to dance) is like Einstein teaching a slow child math.” It truly does take one to know one.) Most of all, this is the guy who got his ass handed to him not only by a high schooler, but by Jon Stewart himself. Most of you probably remember the night Crossfire died. If not, here’s the video:

Naturally, with his pride in tatters and the Crossfire gig gone, what’s a man to do? In the case of Brother Tucker, he went to MSNBC and got his own show Tucker, which was one punctuation away from being either a sitcom (Tucker!), a game show(Tucker?), or a chat show (Tucker!!). Sadly, for his ardent fans on LiveJournal, the show only lasted three years and was cancelled due to “low ratings”. (Though some say it’s because since 2003, Anderson Cooper was working his boyish charms on the news, and as such people really do like watching news coming from the mouth of someone handsome rather than a boorish lout.)

Which leads me to the current matter at hand. Tucker Carlson has gone off on Jon Stewart yet again. Why? Because it’s all he has left. It’s Tucker’s cottage industry: pick on someone who’s a big bully to you. I’m sure that’s why you beat a homosexual man back in high school…just your trademark boyish charm and sense of justice stepping up to the plate of civility and taking a crack at someone’s skull. I know, it was probably some youthful stupidity, everyone does something stupid when they’re young I guess. It’s just that you did something more stupid, and more hateful than others. I don’t want to hear your justification on the matter, because that’s exactly the same level of defense you’d give your targets. It isn’t fun to try and build a proper defense for yourself against someone who truly has it out for you, is it? Oh, but God bless you, you try anyway. Jon Stewart isn’t a partisan hack, you are. You’re the real “butt boy” here, by trying to play media watchdog for the Republican party. You’re transferring your own faults, flaws, and bias to Stewart, because you think that’s how the game is played. (And before you even accuse me of being a Democratic hatchet man, keep in mind I used to be a Republican and voted for Bush in ’04.)

Jon Stewart knows how to do reporting, whereas you’re nothing more than a dittoheaded pundit who likes to try and intellectually curbstomp anyone smaller than you who speaks up. Your big mistake? Stewart isn’t the “little guy”. He has experience, he’s done his homework, and at the same time he makes people laugh. He’s the class clown you wished you could be in school, but were too insecure (and mostly too boring and unfunny) to be. Take this “second round” as a lesson, you can’t fight Jon Stewart. I’m not saying that as a generality, I’m saying you personally couldn’t stand up to Jon Stewart. The last time you tried, you lost your job; now you’ve gone for round two (with Stewart in abscentia) and you’ve lost your credibility…what little of it you had to begin with. What would you like to wager on round three? I eagerly await your phone call, should you deem it necessary to attempt to demonize little old me, a person of limited audience and not very big clout. I only warn you that the audience I have, though it may not be as big as a television news show’s, it’s certainly smarter, vicious, and more efficient than any of your fans would be. We have sharp wit, and we know where to hide the metaphorical bodies you call “arguments”. You just try and take any of us on.

Monday, March 16, 2009

The Cannonball Read: Entry 10a - "This Is Water" by David Foster Wallace

Here’s another unofficial entry in the Cannonball Readings. I’m still hard at work making my way through Endgame 1945, but thought I’d throw in a review in the meantime. (That and I kinda like writing these things.) Again, thanks to Hachette Book Group for providing the literature.

As usual, suggestions, requests, or dedications, go on the Comments Board; here’s where you’re journey begins should you elect to join up, and thanks once more to Brian Prisco for allowing me, and all the others, to participate in this clusterfuck of literary wonderment. Oh, and all reviews are recorded and may be used to fill some front page space on Pajiba, so don’t be bashful.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never read any of David Foster Wallace’s works. I had never even heard of him until he had sadly committed suicide last year, and once I’d heard the praise for his work from others I realized he wasn’t printed for just any reason. His most talked about work (at least from what I’ve read) is Infinite Jest, an infamously hard to keep up with work of fiction that blurs the lines between fiction and non-fiction. (I’ve never heard of a book that’s ever had as many footnotes from fake sources as this one.) All of this talk, all of this hype, everything I’d heard or read motivated me to request a copy of This Is Water, which is basically a reprinting of a commencement speech he gave in 2005. At first it might seem like a cash-in title. (Honestly, how many graduation speeches can you think of that have been published?) That assumption wouldn’t only be wrong though, it would also be insulting. This is the final published work of a writer that could be considered one of the many voices of the current generation, and it is a speech that teaches a lesson people could stand to learn these days.

The book is only 144 pages long, and it’s a one sitting read that’s mostly broken into a couple lines a page. At first, this might seem weird to read, but once you settle into it the page breaks seem to flow like natural cadence for speaking. However, in those 144 pages of bite sized lines, Wallace basically makes a case for why you should be going to college in the first place. He sums up why we should throw ourselves willingly into a pile of debt that’s a couple hundred thousand dollars large, with no promise of getting a job in said field (or these days, any job at all), and to invite intense scrutiny of our skills and academic competition that tests them. Why? It teaches us to become the people the world needs more of…people that think, people that can feel empathy and understand that the world around them is as unstable as they think it is, and the only thing that stops it from crashing down around us is our capacities to reason and feel. College rounds us out, and prepares us for lives that while they may not be totally fulfilling, they certainly aren’t useless. In a short, finite space, Wallace shows us multiple cases where the world revolves around how we perceive it.

This Is Water is destined to become a graduation gift, but it’s also a book that should be passed onto anyone you know will enjoy it. I personally plan on giving it as a gift to a very good friend of mine who’s graduating college this year. What’s better is that I felt like I graduated too. This book took me back to my graduation in 2006, and made me wish it was this speech I had heard. This is a message that doesn’t pander, doesn’t water reality down, but at a crisp and concise length manages to tell the reader that the world doesn’t revolve around them…but they can still effect its condition, if they just pay a little more attention to everyone else around them. I’m going to have to seek out one of David Foster Wallace’s other books now, because if this is what he does with reality then I eagerly await seeing what he does with fiction.

Next Time (as previously promised): Endgame 1945 by David Stafford.

The Monday GAAAH! 3/16/09

This week’s Monday GAAAH is dedicated to Ron Silver. Award winning character actor, passionate political activist, and just all around awesome presence; he passed this weekend after a fight with esophageal cancer. Fond remembrances and heartfelt sympathy to his family and friends.

- Ben Bernake thinks the economy is going to be brightening by next year. Combine that with the Wall Street rally as of late, and the DABA girls are probably wetting their panties right now.

- I’m still laughing at that Elmo/Ricky Gervais video. I love moments where everyone gets caught up in laughter so strong, you haven’t a clue what the hell you were doing in the first place.

- Kathy Griffin really needs to retire. Either that, or go back on the meds.

- Under NO circumstances should Ms. Griffin and Ryan Seacrest be allowed to mate. This would be disastrous, and would trigger planet wide destruction. (I’m talking “Lindsay Lohan, Open Bar, Hilary Duff record signing” disastrous.)

- Don’t forget to do your taxes. Think of it as a gift under the money tree, just waiting for you to claim it…after you fill out a 1040 form for both Federal and State government.

- Is it just me or is Bill Clinton starting to look like Ted Kennedy? This isn’t meant as an insult, just that if you see him photographed from a certain angle, you’ll see what I mean. (The Huffington Post has a good picture like this.)

- Tucker Carlson started bitching again about Jon Stewart recently. Apparently his ass is still so sore from the Crossfire spankdown he received, he needs a fleet of nurses to apply Preparation-H to his bottom. (It’s either that, or Bill O’Reilly’s been pounding it a bit to hard lately. I just thought the Crossfire joke would be classier.)

- AIG is granting bonuses with bailout money. Good for them…let’s see how they feel when they are denied for any further funding, brought under a Senate subcommittee for corporate malfeasance and embezzlement, and have their offices bought up by someone else to turn the place into a Chuck E. Cheese after their bankruptcy. I believe businesses should succeed, but can we pull the plug on this lame duck already?

- Watchmen fell to #2 this weekend, thanks to Race to Witch Mountain. It’s doubtful they’ll recoup their budget for the film, according to Box Office analysts. And people wonder why they’re forcefed halfassed remakes of foreign films and pandering family pictures. Up next week: I Love You Man, Knowing, and Duplicity! (Listed in accordance with their predicted positions on opening weekend.)

- Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker made a movie together. Repent.

- They’re ALREADY “re-imagining” Death at a Funeral. Guess I better see the first one before Alan Tudyk gets replaced by Tracy Morgan. Yeah…click on that link before you start laughing as if I made a joke. (Although, speaking of coincidences, the remake will have Ron Glass (aka Shepherd Book from Firefly). I guess this means we’ll see Nathan Fillion in the Broadway version?

Friday, March 13, 2009

Probably the only time I'll laugh with Elmo

Elmopalooza DOESN'T FUCKING COUNT! I was laughing at Jon Stewart, and was only waiting for the Mighty Mighty Bosstones performance. Anyway, here's the Elmo and Ricky Gervais interview that's been spreading through the Internet.

What Have We Learned This Week? (week of Mar. 13th)

What did we learn this week? Well, we learned that nothing ever ends. So go see Watchmen already! If you've seen it, see it a second time. Solid Snake implores you!

We've also learned not to fuck with Jon Stewart under ANY circumstances. I haven't watched this myself, but I hear it's amazing. (Go here for all three parts.)

And with that, we've learned quite a bit this week, haven't we? On that note, I encourage you all to have a great weekend!

Oh fuck off, Dr. Phil.

I made a promise on Monday not to mention a certain media celebrity on Monday, and I'm holding up my end of the bargain. In fact, it's not her I'm taking issue with today, it's someone else. I'm not even going to post her picture with this article. This is just gonna sit here, and when you read it you'll know why I'm angry.

Seriously, fuck Dr. Phil. He wants to talk about "enabling" people? What does he call engineering a deal for a new house and a fleet of nurses for Angelina Fauxlie? (It doesn't help matters that Gloria Allred was involved...she's such a leach she wears a white suit when she bleeds her clients.) Phil, buddy, you're NOT a real doctor and even Oprah knew to steer clear of something like this. (She only interviewed the family.) I hope all of this is coming out of your fucking pocket, because there's no way in hell I'm paying into this. You want to play doctor, fine...YOU write the checks then. If this is in any way publically funded, I hope to God someone calls you out on it and strings you up for what you're worth. You are nothing more than a pale imitation of Oprah, and nothing says it more than your performance in the trailer to Madea Goes To Jail. On second thought, I lied...your little wildfire relief special from last year is even more of a cop out. (Seriously, everytime I had to hear the words, "And EVERYONE IS GETTING ONE!", I wanted to throttle your bald face.)

I understand the children need care, that's all well and good...so why don't you, your family, and some of your celebrity friends strap on some aprons, warm up some bottles, and pitch in yourselves? You're a fame whore anyway, why not do what the Big Oprah would do and do it yourself? Otherwise, produce your credentials and get the hell out of my face.


Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The typical week of a Pajiban

Yes, I'm stealing from myself again. Shut up, I think this is worth it.

Friday: Saw that new [insert name of movie here] movie...it was [insert feelings here]. Time to fend off all the haters, as well as Skitz's unwelcome (read: hysterically funny/nonexistant) advances.

Saturday: When are they going to post the Hijack thread?! For fuck's sake, I've got to tell everyone about my [insert wacky adventure story/horribly depressing story/inappropriate buttsecks story here] story.

Sunday: Oh...someone already posted that type of story...fuck.

Monday: Do I HAVE to go to work...oh no...tell me they're not [insert latest reboot/remake/Joss Whedon cancellation here]. That's it...time to set these bitches on fire. FLAME ON!

Tuesday: Once again [insert lastest Pajiba icon to fall from grace in Hollywood] has disappointed me to no end with [her/his, latest film/tv show/significant other/rap album/etc.]. I wonder if anyone else out there is as sympatheti...SHUT UP! JOAQUIN PHOENIX CAN RAP, ASSHOLE!

Wednesday: Oh shit! I've spent all this time dicking around, I forgot to think of something that'd possibly be considered for this week's EE! Um...shit, gotta find a story worth the effort. AH HA! Ridley Scott is going to direct Rainbow Brite with Jensen Ackles, Daniel Day Lewis, and Katherine Heigl! Time to piss off Dustin!

10 AM: That Rainbow Brite comment HAS to win.
11 AM: Seriously, how many people can bitch about grammar and win?!
12 PM: Only an hour left, c'mon!
1 PM: Wha..they JUST posted Pajiba Love?! Damnit, Nosek...oh look, a singing dog. Totally worth the wait.
2 PM: Alright, this is getting ric-goddamn-dic...THEY POSTED IT!
2:01 PM: SON OF A BITCH! HOW DID THAT WIN?! GODDAAAM *sound of computer being broken/security escorting Pajiban off the premises of the public library/cat screeching*
2:15 PM: I'll congratulate everyone...even though my blackest heart of hearts is disappointed like a nerd on opening day of [insert name of the last big superhero movie here].
3:45 PM: Oh well...maybe next week!

Congratulations to the winners, and well done Ms. AvB! (I mean it this time!)

[DON'T insert saber saw here]

A Shameless Plug for 24

May 19th = Awesome. (Thanks to TVShowsonDVD.com, who provided this to DVDActive.com, whom I stole this image from.)

The First Annual Big C Awards, or “Mr. Controversy’s Overdue, Underrated, and Out-Hyped Oscar Blog”.

Yes, this is extremely late, but if you were wondering what my opinion on the year's crop of "prestige pictures" was, here it is. Enjoy!

I love movies. I really love movies. No, you don’t understand, I really really love movies. So naturally, with that in mind, I end up following the Oscars yearly. Even the years I say I’ll never watch the show (Two of them being because Beyonce had to show her skank ass up, one of those being this past ceremony where The Dark Knight was robbed) I somehow end up in front of a flickering screen cheering or shouting and somehow feeling like the evening wasn’t a total waste. Indeed, the first Oscar telecast I ever remember watching was the one where Titanic won everything and L.A. Confidential was left in the cold. (Though history would be kinder to L.A. in the long run.) I was there for the Big Ship’s big night, I was there for Kevin Spacey winning Best Actor, I was there for the Academy’s triumphs (I dare you to tell me American Beauty or Gladiator didn’t deserve best picture) and it’s bags of fail (Shakespeare In Love and Crash?! Seriously, what the fuck longhairs?).

The past two years I’ve seen all of the best picture candidates, thanks to AMC’s Best Picture Showcase (or “Sorry, we don’t know how to Fandango correctly. Why don’t you go buy yourself a soft drink on our dime?”) and I feel I’m more informed with my Oscar decisions thanks to it. With that in mind, I will now set off to give my own (albeit overdue) rundown of the Best Pictures as well as the awards show itself. There will be opinions, there will be mancrushes, and there will be spoilers. (Also, drainage.)

The Films (The films will be reviewed in order of screening at the Showcase.)


As a heterosexual male, I thought this movie was going to be uncomfortable. I seriously thought I was going to have problems being able to watch this for what it is. (This is the reason I haven’t seen Brokeback Mountain yet.) Sure enough when the film started I realized that I was not only comfortable with the film, but I understood the love Harvey had for both of his boyfriends in the picture. Also, Sean Penn earned that Oscar, merely because I didn’t see “Sean Penn the Arrogant, Self Important Prick” on screen, I saw Harvey Milk as painted in Dustin Lance Black’s award winning script. On top of Mr. Penn's performance, you have an amazing supporting cast that includes James Franco, Emile Hirsch, and Josh Brolin; all of whom will undoubtedly be welcome back to the Oscars in the future. A very emotional film with a powerful political message. 5/5

The Reader

This is the ugly duckling of the pack, in fact many derided this as being part of the Best Picture pack. (Particularly Dark Knight fans who agree with what the stuffed shirt critics’ say, so it gives them bitching rights to how Dark Knight was snubbed.) It wasn’t that bad of a film, in fact it was quite good actually. However, it was the weakest of the bunch in the Best Picture crowd; and I think it could have benefited from more non-linear storytelling. (Start with the trial, then intercut the love affair.) I don’t know if Kate Winslet deserved the award for this film, but I’m glad it was for this over Revolutionary Road. (I’m still confused as to how I feel about that film, but I remember a lot of shouting.) However, you do get Ralph Fiennes in this film, and any excuse for Ralph Fiennes can’t be a waste, can it? 3.5/5

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Before I start with this one, I’d like to say that I do indeed know the Forrest Gump criticism holds weight. Both were films about southern men with extraordinary limitations who somehow make it through major historical landmarks and have great love affairs that are somehow impossibly short due to said limitations. Yes, this film did seem a little too long. Yes, an old baby is creepy. But I couldn’t help but buy the whole package part and parcel. It’s a whimsical fairy tale for adults, it’s an effective love story, and it helps that the whole film is beautifully filmed in loving attention to detail of the eras depicted. Plus, I’m a sucker for not only whimsy, but also good special effects and very classic Hollywood sensibilities. Oh, and Tugboat vs. U-Boat = FTW! 4/5

Slumdog Millionaire

Oh Danny Boyle…Danny freakin Boyle. I love what I’ve seen of your work with a passion, and I’m sorry to say that this didn’t take me as much as the others have. Don’t get me wrong, this was a pretty good movie. The concept was interesting, it wasn’t a remake or a biopic, and I still found myself smiling at the end when Jamal wins the million dollars. However, the stylistic route the film took wasn’t exactly one I felt fit the story. The slow motion bits were weird, M.I.A. gets annoying on the soundtrack (which really wasn’t all that good, in my opinion), and I never expected to see someone get killed to the tune of “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire”. Also, Salim was a MASSIVE dickhole throughout the film, and Latika kinda came off as too much of a bitch to all of a sudden love Jamal. I get that it was the underdog of the year (almost getting dumped to DVD thanks to Warner Brothers and Alan Horn’s shortsightedness), but I don’t think it was the picture of the year. 3/5


I am 100% biased towards pictures like these, so color my opinion however you may. This was an excellent movie with top notch performances and a hell of a final showdown. Had Sean Penn not locked it up in Milk (and Mickey Rourke hyped it up in The Wrestler) I would have said Frank Langella was going to walk away with the trophy. (I still kinda wish he did, because dude…it’s Frank Langella.) To see the character of David Frost evolve throughout the film was ingenious, because it does what you’re supposed to do with a history movie…focus on the unpredictable/unknown to the public element. Everyone knew Nixon, but hardly anyone knew Frost. After Michael Sheen’s performance, it’s hard not to know Frost. No actor wasted, no scene irrelevant, this is what political history filmmaking is all about. 5/5

The Awards Broadcast

After the year of milkshakes, strippers, and pneumatic air guns; you’d think the Oscars would become a little more practical. Turns out the Oscar given to Diablo Cody last year was just a small signal of the Academy trying to be “cool” and “different”. They got some of the awards right (Wall-E kicked the Panda’s ass, Heath Ledger finally got his due), and some of the awards wrong (Slumdog was not THAT good. It was an ok picture, but they couldn’t have shown more love for Wall-E on the best score front, and The Dark Knight on the Sound awards front.). Two big things they got right though were Hugh Jackman as the host, and Michael “Destined for Awesome” Giacchino as the evening’s conductor.

Unfortunately, the script for the show was as unbearable as the script to Juno. The Academy tried to be cool and hip with montages of the year’s “notable” films. (Read: The only time you’ll see Twilight, High School Musical, and Mamma Mia at the Oscars.) Speaking of those films, members from each of their respective casts showed up the ceremony to present mediocre clip reels, and the HSM/Mamma Mia kids got to skank it up with Beyonce in the “Musical is Back” number Baz Luhrman got to direct.

I feel incredibly sorry for Hugh Jackman, because this show was a freakin’ disaster. He has the prerequisite charm for hosting an awards show, it’s just that the writers need to improve their game. The Academy also has to realize it won’t be the hip media darling it wishes it was, and should stick to what they do best…overrating and underrating Hollywood’s notable works. The shit needs to stay home. (TWILIGHT?! FUCKING TWILIGHT got to be included in a clip reel! Yet there was NO love for In Bruges this year.) On a pleasant note, the opening number did made me laugh and I would agree that Anne Hathaway is the sexiest Nixon ever. (Nothing against Frank Langella, who’s a pretty handsome man for his age.)

In fact, here’s some notes to the Academy on exactly what should be done for the 82nd Academy Awards:

Notes to the Academy:

- Stop being “hip” and inviting today’s “hot talents” to be included in the ceremonies. They might think they have a shot at winning an Oscar themselves. (FREAKIN HANNAH MONTANA PROVED IT!)
- Seriously, lose Beyonce. The first time she was on was passable, the second annoying, now unacceptable. (Side note: She should NEVER be allowed to sing “At Last” EVER AGAIN! It is NOT her song, don’t let recent generations think otherwise. Etta James needs to put some hurt her badly.)
- No more “Yearbooks” of the past year’s “hit movies”. Stick to the movies that deserve awards, not what all those airheaded teeny boppers went to see when they couldn’t get into Watchmen.
- Keep Michael Giacchino. He’s amazing. Also, keep John Legend. He too is amazing, and he should record a cover of “Down To Earth” just to spite Peter Gabriel.
- No more multiple nominees for best song from one film. How many times have I told you, and yet you pull this shit?! (see also Dreamgirls and Enchanted) There are PLENTY of good songs out there, and you don’t have to limit it to two films. Also, perform the whole song. No shortcuts.
- The previous winner’s presenting format wasn’t too bad, but really do we need that much of an orgy of praise for the winner? Go back to having last year’s winners announce it, they deserve it.
- While you’re at it, go back to showing clips of the performances and the nominated films. How else are people going to know what you’re talking about without seeing the films themselves?
- Give Hugh Jackman another shot, only this time give him a show…not just drippings from Jimmy Fallon’s bedpan.
- Let something like “The Dark Knight” win for Best Picture. It’s okay to like comic book movies, especially really well done ones.

The “Big C” Awards

Best Picture - Milk was hands down the best picture of the year. It had heart, it told its story, and it didn’t stoop to maudlin tactics to do so. In a weaker director’s hands, this would have been shit, but Gus Van Sant manages to elevate this above a simple f-you for not passing Prop 8. This sense of gravity only rubs salt into the wound of anyone who dared to vote in favor of this horrible atrocity of unconstitutionality.

The “Juno” award - Slumdog Millionaire was the “cool kid” of the year. I’m glad Danny Boyle got an Oscar, and I can live with that quite well. However, this was NOT the best picture of the year, and I think it only won because of not only the hype and awards momentum, but also the “ethnic sensitivity” vote. (See also: the “diversity” vote that won Crash best picture in 2006.

The “Milkshake” Moment “When the President does it, it’s NOT illegal” from Frost/Nixon. Though, unlike “I drink your milkshake”, this had power and fury behind it…not farce.

The Michael Clayton (aka “I’m Incredibly Biased Towards This Film Due to My Poli Sci Degree/Taste in Movies”) award - Again with the Frost/Nixon love. This joins the ranks of previous winners L.A. Confidential, Saving Private Ryan, Good Night, and Good Luck; and Michael Clayton.

The Tearjerking Moment of the Year - This one is a tie between the march at the end of Milk and the epilogue at the end of Benjamin Button. At the end of Milk, when people are marching in memory of Harvey Milk’s brief, but important life; I couldn’t help but be moved. (Roger Ebert and I agree again.) But equally eye misting is the end of Benjamin Button, the moment when they show you all of the characters the way you’d want to remember them. Alive and well, at the height of their life’s achievements, doing what they love and being where they love. It only enhances the classic Hollywood feel.

The Epic Fail award -
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. They know what they did.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Perfect Arguement for Gay Marriage, or "More Liberal Ideal Spouting"

This is a port-over from the comments section, but I thought this was important enough to post on the main stream. Thanks Jeremy and Sarah for poking me with enough sticks to comment on this matter. Oh, and I claim bonus points for the fact that this image was stolen from the blog "Pastoral Theology". Nothing like repurposing from ironic sources.

Ooh, it's so scary...people loving each other and entering in partnerships allowed by law. Ooh...I'm going to hide under the covers and read the Hardy Boys now, while I wait for this menace to subside. There are some narrowminded assholes out there, they can't even do simple math. Here's the perfect arguement:

Gay marriages = more taxes, more money for divorce lawyers [should they disagree], more of a possibility for foster children being loved.

Now take that arguement and change "gay" to "more" and it still works. By the transitive property More Marriages = Gay Marriages, and the rest flows down like wine. Unless they want to stop the practice of marriage all together (seeing as More marriages = Gay Marriages) then they can jolly well do that. But seeing as these same people believe you must be married to procreate, they're dooming humanity. So we MUST have gay marriages (since Gay = More), because society depends on it. Either that makes a lot of sense or I'm a nutter.

A Note To the Followers

You are a sick lot. You truly all disgust me, with your books and your "popular culture", and your cat rape. You all have unhealthy obsessions, sometimes value shiny pretty things over those things with substance, and you all have committed so many grammatical infractions that it would give an English major a massive conniption.

In short...never have I found a group of people that so perfectly fit the demographic I've been looking to reach. I love you all, keep up the good work, and thanks for all the fish.

Monday, March 9, 2009

The Monday GAAAH! 3/9/09

Is it Monday already? Can we have a mulligan on the weekend, and do it over again? No? Bah...fine. Let's get down to business, shall we?

- Nadya Suleman will no longer be mentioned on this blog as of this moment. It’s done, it’s over, she’s crazy, let’s all go home and forget about the whole mess.

- The Vatican has its head so far up its ass; it’s started talking shit again. First, they say that the washing machine is the “most liberated device in history” on International Women’s Day; THEN they excommunicate a mother, her 9 year old daughter, and a doctor the day after. Why? The daughter had an emergency abortion, because she was four months pregnant with twins by her abusive stepfather. (By the way, the step father? Totally not excommunicated. In fact, he’s probably welcome with open fucking arms by priests who say, “Well at least yours was a girl.” Fuckers. Count on this to be extended into a full length piece.)

- Watchmen was pretty good. A little empty, but I think that’s because we’re all anticipating the longer cuts with more detail. Either way, it was a good condensed version and a hell of an IMAX movie. (Jimi Hendrix in IMAX…that’s all you need to know to see this film.)

- The Back to the Future trilogy was on Encore last night. Think we could get that into an IMAX rerelease?

- Many congratulations to President Obama on reversing 43’s decision to ban stem cell research! The glimmer of hope in Michael J. Fox’s voice this morning sounds like it would be enough to power an electric car. (And it’s about time the Government saw that stem cells use life to make life, which should by definition be seen as a good thing with “Pro Life” advocates.)

- Jeffrey Dean Morgan is the latest actor added to the list of actors to answer the question, “Who would I want to play me in a movie?” Others include Robert Downey Jr. and Matthew Broderick.

- If the GOP has ANY aspirations of running the country again (without being laughed at, and with marginal respect) they better fire Michael Steele, stop pinning their hope on Bobby “The NBC Page” Jindal, and retire Rush Limbaugh. Get some new (read: young and intelligent) blood into the party. (Oh, and forget Sarah Palin. It didn’t work the last time, it sure as hell won’t work the next.)

- RIP Circuit City. Thanks for the wonderful DVD shopping binge last weekend…I finally got myself that copy of In Bruges I so desperately wanted.

- The economy is shit, but that doesn’t mean you should stop spending. Just spend wiser, stock up on coupons, and limit your “nonessential spending”. Yeah, we’re all hurting and it’s not looking too bright in the near future, but if you budget the right way and become a little more selective/creative in what you’re buying, you’ll do well.

- As for all of you Wall Street brokers…pick up your balls, get out there, and buy! This mess isn’t going to clean itself up, and with renewable energy and pharmaceuticals being somewhat recession proof, we could use some uplifting. The same message I gave the consumers goes to all of you as well…be selective, look for that tanked stock that’s just overdue for an economic boom, and buy it up.

- I don’t smoke pot, but I can see why it should be legalized. Think of it: with government safeguards and tariffs in place, you could tax the shit out of tokes and put that money to good use. You could also ensure quality control, even limit the “buzz” and the side effects of the drug. Let’s be realistic…marijuana is going nowhere. People will continue to grow it, sell it, consume it, and joke about it. The least the government can do is tap into this revenue stream and make a shit load of money for the U.S. economy. Hell, we could even export it! It’s time to start paying those foreign loans back, and what better way to do it than with a guaranteed money maker?! I'm not a hippy...I'm just a capitalist that wants to steal hippy money and promote the welfare of the common American.

- 24’s on tonight. Who says America doesn’t have a religion?

- I freakin' knew Eliza Dushku was an alien. A cute alien I had a teenage crush on...but an alien nonetheless. WHO CALLED IT?! (Personally, I hope she decapitates Seth MacFarlane with that tongue of hers. We'd lose Family Guy, American Dad, The Cleveland Show, and Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Comedy...all in one fell swoop.)

Friday, March 6, 2009

I swear I have an excuse...

I kinda took a week off from the blogging duties over here. It was an unexpected absense really, but an absense nonetheless. I was going to come back on Tuesday (after the massive snow that built up here) with a bit about the Bush Memos released to the Obama Administration, but the most I could come up with was Bush 43 bitching about Taco Day at the White House cafeteria. The rest of the week just kinda went downhill from there, so I apologize for the lack of material and postings this week. I haven't forgotten about you all, or who I am. I've just been rather sluggish this past week. I'm seeing Watchmen tomorrow, so that'll probably give me something to write about next week. I've also been working on my long overdue Oscar rundown, so that should provide some fun as well.

I'm afraid I haven't taught you all much this week, so you're just going to have to take some knowledge from somewhere else. Might I suggest this new educational program my brother and I have recently discovered?

Thank you, readers. Theaders.