Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also a film journalist/critic for Cocktails & Movies and CinemaBlend, as well as the author of several short stories such as "The Devil v. George W. Bush". Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: email@example.com
It's been a while since I've done one of these, but the basis for this one's been rattling around in my head for a while. It's out, it's done, and it's ready for your consumption. I hope you all enjoy!
No One Cares
In this dreadful day and age, gracing every page Of any supermarket rag on racks. You have the shallow and the weak, Who are destined to peak. In about a week. A minor winning streak. Ain’t our attention spans…bleak?
And these people, that we sheeple and stammer over. Begin to wheeze and whine. About their privacy, their heartbreaks, and their struggles. How ‘bout how hard it is to earn a goddamn dime?
Well the next time “R. Patz”, complains he cannot walk in spats. Or K Fed knocks some cornpone bitch up and raps. I propose that we say, in our own special way. For them to go to Hell and shut their yaps.
No one cares. You’re not exactly evergreen. No one cares. But somehow we love to watch it all when you make a scene. You’re not too bright, but that’s ok. Because a big celeb meltdown’s good anyday. But really, no one cares. We’re just watching ‘cuz the clicker’s broke.
Now Jon and Kate have decided to separate, And they’re both crying to Tabs night and day. And Paula Abdul is leaving Idol, boo hoo. We’d only feel sadder if you were gay.
But for one week you’ll be king and queen, you’re faces plastered on ev’ry screen. Whether you’re nice or whether you’re mean, We’re watching.
And the minute that something bigger breaks, you’ll be dropped like eggs inside the crate. Because let’s be honest you were never that great, You’re boring.
No one cares. Ms. Lohan can you make up your goddamn mind? No one cares. Are you jillin’ girls or jackin’ guys? You’re not too bright, but that’s ok. Because we only like your temper tantrums anyway. But really, no one cares. We’re just reading ‘cuz the TV’s broke.
It’s impossible that we’d be concerned. With the level of apathy that you’ve earned. We’d rather be talking right to a fern. You’re vapid!
Yet somehow you still think that you’re the tops. When in fact your mouth’s a suspect on Cops. It keeps running and running, and never stops. You’re stupid!
So do yourself a favor, and clean your act up! Show us that you’re really worth giving a fuck! Start living like a person, and showing some class! Otherwise, there’s the door, don’t let it hit your ass!
No one cares! Get over yourself, because the world is laughing at you. No one cares! We’d rather see you eaten by a tiger, it’s true. Yes the world’s turned its back on the prospect of civility. When it comes to you, we’ll treat you with anonymity! You never existed, you’ll be left without pity!
Because NO ONE CARES! (Not even China.) NO ONE CARES! (Flash some vagina.) NO ONE CARES! (Just wanna remind ya that...) NO! ONE! CARES! NO ONE CARES!