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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/30/09


This is the last “best thing of today column” I’ll be writing for a while. If I ever pick it up again, that is. So what’s the best thing of today? Closure. It’s been a long, hard fight to get here, but I made it. I wouldn’t be here without the help of a lot of people, and I am forever grateful I had the backing of such good listeners, clear thinkers, and funny yet supportive readers. You all truly are the best.

Another good thing about today is the fact that I’ve come to a slow realization of all the things I can do without her. I can be an unabashed geek, and not worry about getting eyes rolled at me. I can actually trust that whoever I’m texting isn’t merely ignoring me. Hell, I can trust again to some extent! I don’t have to worry about foot problems, retail schedules, constant sleeping and reading, isolation, unreturned feelings, cold and aloof behavior, boring behavior on vacation or at home, and Christmas parties. Most of all, I can dance again! I can go for walks! I can plan vacations, and plan cruises, and do whatever the Hell I want because “the bitch is dead”. She is dead to me, and if she ever wants to see me again and be friends she should know what she has to do.

In case she doesn’t (and in case she still monitors this blog, like the sneak she is), this is what would have to happen:

- She’d have to be away from the boyfriend, b/c I’m not making friends with her during that whole thing.

- She’d have to realize what she did to me and apologize PROFUSELY over a period of time.

- She’d have to earn my trust again.

- She’d have to admit what she did was wrong.

- Most importantly, I have to fucking feel like accepting that cunt back into my life.

The end wasn’t my fault, it was hers’. So now she can live with that while I move on with someone else. And who do I have to thank for my new found outlook? Well, I’ll try to name everyone:

Thank you, Lewis. Thank you, Nicholas. Thank you, Mom and Dad. Thank you, Snorb. Thank you, Tricia. Thank you, Chris and Hollie. Thank you to both Kyles. Thank you, Courtney. Thank you, Jill. Thank you, Chez. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, AvB. Thank you, Figgy. Thank you, Catie. Thank you, Tyler. Thank you, Joe. Thank you to both Stephanies. Most importantly, thank you Kristina.

If there’s anyone else I forgot, I apologize, but you’re thanked as well. The first half of the year closes, and it’s already better than the start. Here’s to the future, and here’s to the month of good things. So say we all.
Oh, and for one last time...

Monday, June 29, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/29/09


Coincidentally, I started the "Best Thing of Today" feature at the beginning of the month, so as to combat the feelings of upset and upheaval I had after "the incident". In that time, I've seen a month of pretty good things. I've started doing things I meant to do, but never did when I was with her. I met new friends, new people, and even a new person I might be dating in the future. For now, I'm having fun just getting to know her and taking things as they come.

There were setbacks, naturally, but I'm confident I'm in a much better place now than I was a month ago. The funny thing was, I started to think about today's "Best Thing" and I realized two things: 1.) I couldn't think of one and 2.) I didn't need to. Today simply exists, as does any other normal day, and that's the beauty of it. There's no crisis, no wounds to heal, no intelligence to report. I can safely say it's over. Dead, buried, and gone away. I'm destined to see her again, and what happens and how I feel will probably be a mixture of sadness and defiance. Sadness because I'll remember all that was and might have been, but defiance because I know nothing would make her happier than to see me broken by her hand.

My life is moving on, and as such I'm retiring the "Best Thing of Today" feature tomorrow, the end of the month. The first half of the year has officially sucked, but it ended better than it began. Here's hoping the next half continues the upward trend.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/25/09 - 6/28/09


Appologies for the lack of update yesterday. Kyle and I had an adventure that took us from a morning at Knoebels to an afternoon near Centralia, and finally to a showing of Revenge of the Fallen. Knoebel's was great, Centralia wasn't as spooky as we'd hoped (might have been in the wrong part of town), and Revenge of the Fallen sucked. (Yeah, Michael Bay...you failed again.) There will be a huge rant about that later.

As for today...I should be going on my third date with the Possible Wonderful Amazing Girlfriend, and the weekend is the weekend so that's a victory in and of itself. I'm looking forward to some rest and relaxation after...rest and relaxation. Though, as a downside, I couldn't sleep last night so I'm slightly dragging today. Not enough to slow me down, but enough to make me twitchy. (Which means naptime when I get home.)

Have a good weekend everyone! I'll see you all either later today or Monday.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/24/09

My youngest brother graduates from Middle School tonight. This September he'll begin the four year journey through high school, while my other brother will be a Junior in High School. If you ever want a thought that makes you old just in its mere existence, that would be one right there. I am proud of my brothers, and I hope they enjoy their summer vacation. Because come September, it's back to the jungle.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/23/09

No introduction needed.





Also, date 2 went really well last night, so I think it's safe to assume a date 3 is in the works. (My approach to dates is much like Lionsgate's approach to the Saw franchise. The slightest hint of success, and there's another one on the way.) Unlike Saw though, these dates don't involve pain, torture, or puppets.

Monday, June 22, 2009

The Monday GAAAH! (6/22/09)


Haven’t done one of these in a while, but there’s a first time for everything…again.

- Hope everyone had a good Father’s Day. Mine consisted of gift giving, a Chinese buffet dinner, and a viewing of Gran Torino with the parents. (Which kicked The Reader’s ass, and should have been the wild card nominee this year.)

- Anyone else feel sorry for that kid trying to give Megan Fox a rose? Kid, do yourself a favor: forget her. There’s plenty of other masturbatory fodder out there who’d gladly accept a rose and don’t look like a living RealDoll 50% of the time.- Happy First Day of Summer. Ok, Mother Nature…time to hold up your seasonal end of the bargain. I give you sacrifices; you give me women in bikinis. Fair trade!

- Sam Mendes, where have you gone? I love American Beauty and Road to Perdition, but I hear Jarhead sucks, I HATED Revolutionary Road, and Away We Go looks like Juno but with more heart and less man-hating. However, I would forgive all of that if you’d consider “Road to Purgatory” and “Road to Paradise” as your next two films. Complete the trilogy!

- A study has been published saying that dinosaurs may not have been as big as we thought. That’s right, science…just fucking rob me of all my childhood dreams, why don’t you?

- Jamie Callum: please let me know next time you play a NY show. I’d actually like to get tickets ahead of time for the next one.

- Weekend Box Office Roundup: The Proposal (naturally) captured the #1 spot, because summer can’t be all about blowing things up or lifting spirits. Sometimes it has to be about the matriarchal hierarchy that imposes itself upon the male populace to demand expensive jewelry as a legal, binding contract for lifelong servitude. I’m sorry, that’s all residual anger from the fallout. I’m actually happy to be dating again. Anyhow, The Hangover and Up continue to hang on and make barrels of money. This weekend’s futile predictions: 1. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen; 2. The Hangover; 3. Up; Lovable Loser: My Sister’s Keeper. (Like we really want to be depressed over the summer.)

- Harry Potter has been delayed for two weeks due to Transformers having a month long exclusive engagement. Someone couldn’t have figured this out when they were rescheduling the first time? Goddamn you, Michael Bay.

Best Thing of Today: 6/22/09


Disney has made my day twice over with pictures of Monica Bellucci in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and Anne Hathaway in Alice in Wonderland hitting the nets for the past couple of days. Here now I will present those photos and ask you, who is the fairest in the land? (I’m having a hard time picking one, so I’ll just as easily take both to the ball any day of the week. I’m sure my fairy godmother could wrangle that up no problem.)


Also, if I play my cards right (and is scheduling is what it is) I might be out on a second date tonight with the potential “wag” (wonderful, amazing girlfriend). (Is it still a first date if you decided that it was a date afterwards?) Yeah, I’ve been hiding a little bit, but I didn’t want to jinx anything really. Fingers crossed and all that.

Friday, June 19, 2009

One Last Adventure


This just shows how much Pixar cares about their fans. Prepare to cry, as you read this article.

Best Thing of Today: 6/19/09 - 6/21/09


Yes, that's Timothy Dalton. Yes, this is a real photo. Yes, the final Doctor Who special is going to be amazing. Yes, yes.

Also, today is Friday, so it's an automatic victory. For some reason, I was happy driving to work today. I think it's that fact, along with the fact that it wasn't raining this morning and was actually halfway decent outside, that made the morning. In any case, I should be hanging out with my friend Stephanie tonight, then a bunch of friends for the usual diner run tomorrow night, then a possible meet up for a drink Sunday night with an old high school friend. All of this on top of making Father's Day as fun as possible for dear old dad.

On top of all that, there's two clips I'd like to share with you all that make today even more fun.

First, there's this clip for "Bored to Death", a show HBO will be premiering in September. This is the type of thing I would come up with in my daydreams, so needless to say I think it looks awesome.



Second, is the trailer for what my friend Kyle likes to call "Superbad meets Shaun of the Dead". That's right, it's time to go to Zombieland, kids!





You know what...I think I noticed another best thing of today, and that would be 100% pure Emma Stone hotness. Now comes in your choice of Brunette...


or original Gingerrr.


Extremely hard choice, if I say so myself. And that should carry us through the weekend. Have a good one, and if you can...frequent a local diner at some point. They're great hangout spots, some have great food, and it's just fun if you have the right people. Until next time! (Which will either be Monday or later today, if I find something worth posting.)

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/18/09

Kyle and I are going to a martini bar tonight, and with any luck we'll both be sipping on one of these. Behold, the Vesper martini as made famous in Casino Royale. Not exactly a common drink, but then again that's the style I try to maintain.

Oh, and one final note: started Ghostbusters: The Video Game yesterday. It's everything one could dream of, and then some.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/17/09


Besides taking the day off, I am going to Shop Rite to learn how to make Sushi this evening. On top of that, another hang out with some friends old and new. Plus, I'm picking up my copy of Ghostbusters the Game. If anyone should have any objections to my behavior or actions today, take it up with Mr. Mark Harmon. (I just watched Summer School, what can I say? Would you rather look at yummy dead fish in rice or Mark Harmon? Ok...fair enough. Here's both.)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Brides of the Valkyries

No kidding, this was an actual screenshot from when I was logged into my Blockbuster queue. I knew weddings were Hell, but I don't think you can compare them to a Nazi overthrow. However, if you combined the two movies just right, you'd have a hit guys wouldn't mind being dragged to.


Best Thing of Today: 6/16/09


Yet another sign of recovery: I've started writing more and more as of late. I'm proud to add on the "liar's list" of projects I'm developing, a book. I can only give you a title for now, which is "A Wilderness of Mirrors". (I learned the expression after watching The Company, and thought it would make a good title.) Though if you're a regular reader, you know I'm as notorious with projects "in development" as any major director. (Spielberg has me beat though.)

In other news, tonight is another beach night, and there might even be a round of appetizers at Applebee's. But perhaps one of the coolest things in a while (much less today) is this:



Yeah, in case you forgot...this just came out today. Run to the nearest Best Buy and pick it up.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/15/09


Forgive me if I'm not one of the cool kids this time and missed out on the initial announcement on this piece of intrigue, but Dave Eggers (co-writer of Away We Go) has a tie-in novel loosely based on Where the Wild Things Are, which he also had a hand in adapting into a film set for release this fall.

I can't help but geek out over this idea, because childrens' stories that could be also taken with more mature spins are hard to come by. This might have "fail" written all over it, but I think it's awesome enough for me to go and bug the publisher for a review copy.

And in case you haven't seen it yet, here's the teaser trailer. The amazing thing is you can't easily draw the line between fluffy kids movie and poignant adult film. It works both ways, and the more you try to divide it the more you lose in the process. Which means that Warner Brothers has yet again put a lot of money into a commercially risky project, that at the same time promises much crossover appeal among children and adults. (This is also why Warner Brothers, for the moment, is tied with Pixar as being the best studio in Hollywood.)



The Wild Things is out October 1st; Where The Wild Things Are is in theaters October 16th.

Friday, June 12, 2009

What Have We Learned (week of June 12th)

Time really does heal. But good distractions (be they people, animals, or other sources of entertainment) always help things along. Thank you all again for everything, as usual.

One more for the road...

I guess this means I need to bump "Robbie Williams: Live at the Albert" to the top of my Blockbuster queue.

Some day, this will be true.

Best Thing of Today: 6/12/09 – 6/14/09

Cracked FTW! Though I plan on continuing to read what is labeled as the, “Manos: The Hands of Fate of Literature” known as the Twilight Saga; this nice little guide came in handy for a good laugh and I only skimmed it. (I want to be surprised by what happens…laughs usually come harder when you do that. Also, for further Cracked laughs, click this for a peculiar mental experiment involving Sims 3.)

As for what I’ll be doing tonight, not sure about that yet. For the first time in a while, I don’t know what I’m doing for the evening and it’s past Noon. Though I would like to go MiniGolf-ing at Point Pleasant tonight. Might have to bug Sn0rb and the others.

Tomorrow is a picnic to raise funds against Cancer, so that should be fun. (Considering it’s all you can eat and drink, there’s a 50/50 chance it might not be.)Sunday looks empty, so I’ll probably try once more to take the kids (my brothers, in case I never clarified) to see Up in 3D or The Hangover.

So until Monday, have a good weekend everyone!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Inspired Madness

And this is why I love British humor so much. It's out there, sometimes it's musical, and sometimes it's very fashionable.


Best Thing of Today: 6/11/09


Quite a couple good things happened today. Chicago was on AMC this morning, and I was almost tempted to call it a day and take time off. However, common sense prevailed and I ended up at work anyway. (If I'm going to call out, it'll be on a gorgeous day when I can have plans.)

Second of all, I made a new friend last night. Through a friend of my best friend, I made a new friend that ended up being a lot of fun to hang out with. Naturally, the four of us plan to hang out again sometime; but what was so cool was that she was a geek. Or at least, she seems like one. Future verification will have to be done, but even if she wasn't she's fun to talk to and our hangout last night was actually the most fun I've had in a while. Which is something that I really need right now.

Third: there was this really funny post linked through /Film's Page 2 column this morning about how 30 Rock is a rip off of the Muppet Show. You laugh, but strangely it holds up.

And finally, two clips. Up first is the Shutter Island trailer that was released last night. (Which means I watched it this morning.) Once again, Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio look like they're going to impress the shit out of me.



Finally, a clip from the upcoming indie 500 Days of Summer, starring Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. It's a movie about a couple that breaks up, and the guy looks back on it all trying to figure out just how it all went wrong. Not only does it sound painfully familiar, but it sounds like a great movie. Here's the scene, "Expectations vs. Reality", which plays like that fateful night we all went to Fridays, but less awkward and vicious.

"Does believing you're the last sane man on the planet make you crazy? 'Cause if it does, maybe I am."

Stealing from Deus Ex Malcontent again. I only steal when I think the message is worth it, kids. =P Once again, Shepard Smith making sense.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/10/09


Just found this on the ROFLRazzi page, and so far, this image is pretty high up there on the best things of today.

To top that off, I'll be galavanting with Sn0rb this evening; seeing as he's free to hang and I need to return a movie. (Finally showed Valkyrie to one of my brothers yesterday.)

One last thing: Surf Taco rules. Went there with Kyle for the drink special last night, and it was pretty fun. Definitely have to start going there over the summer.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/9/09


I totally haven't been looking at BBC's latest news on Doctor Who, and what should appear? A brand new companion for the 11th Doctor. A gorgeous, 21 year old, redheaded companion; played by relatively unknown actress Karen Gillan. Yet another reason I wish I was The Doctor.

As for the evening's activities, I might actually take a breather tonight. I apologize if you actually believed that statement...it's another awesome night hanging out with Kyle. Sorry, still geeking out over Karen here. Gaah.

Monday, June 8, 2009

This does not absolve you Kindle users out there...

This should not exist. If you like the smell of new books so much...buy a new goddamn book. Sorry, I know the Kindle is "revolutionary", "convenient", and "peers into your soul like a newborn baby"; but real books beat digital books any day of the week.

(However, should Amazon.com want to prove their thingamajig to be worthy of existence, they could always send me one for free. I might just change my mind on the whole damn mess if that were to happen.)

Best Thing of Today: 6/8/09


In addition to the awesome Dark Knight trailers I posted, I'm going to the beach tonight. It's always kind of sad, going back to where her and I began. Knowing that's where we spent a lot of our time in the opening months of the relationship, I sometimes look out to the sand and try to pinpoint where we shared our first kiss. Had things not turned out the way they did, it was where I wanted to eventually propose to her. It was where I wanted to take her to celebrate the second anniversary. It meant a lot.

The good thing though is that seeing as I'm a resilient Jersey kid, it's where I will begin again. I've missed the beach for a while, and I'm going to try and start going more. She doesn't own the sand, the waves, or the salty sea air. She only inhabits my memories that are triggered by them. And just like a sandcastle, or a proclaimation of love scratched out in the surf, it'll all be washed away. Ready for me to build something newer, better, and more exciting. But for now, I'll try to remember it all fondly when I go, instead of letting it hurt me. At this point, I can't be hurt. I'm made of much stronger stuff than that. In a way I should thank her for that, but I can't. Not after what she did. After everything that happened, karma is the only thing she deserves. Which means I have no hand in it at all. The universe takes care of its own. I have more important things to do with my life than worry about her. I have some rennovating to complete.

There will be no comfort for the enemy. Tonight, I take back the beach.

Project Gotham Mayhem

Seriously, these look like really good alternate trailers to what is still one of the best movies ever. If you're not doing anything Saturday night and you have HBO, this isn't a bad option. Thanks to SuperheroHype.com for bringing this up.



Friday, June 5, 2009

Best Thing of Today/The Weekend: 6/5/09 - 6/7/09


I'm going up north today to stay with my friends Chris and Hollie, where we'll proceed to take in a double feature of Drag Me to Hell and Star Trek. (That's the fourth time for Trek, for those of you keeping score.) I'm also dragging my copies of Taken and Forgetting Sarah Marshall up with me, so we can have a double feature this evening. So double feature tonight, double featuer tomorrow, back in town Saturday evening for the usual frivolities.

Also hoping to take the kids to see Up this weekend (my second time), as well as get some reading done in Angels and Demons. (As well as finishing Marvel Zombies: Dead Days and starting MZ vs. Army of Darkness.)

Yep, it's a bear suit weekend!

What Have We Learned? (week of June 5th)

Simple lesson this week: be grateful for whoever you surround yourself with...because the caliber of the company you keep speaks volumes to who you are. See you all on Monday, have a good weekend!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/4/09


Tonight, Casino Royale premieres on USA. I won't be watching it though, because I should be going out with some friends this evening. Nevertheless, should my plans be scuttled, I have a comfort movie for the evening as a backup.

Also, I've made a list of 20 books to take me to the end of the Cannonball Read (I'm not making it to 100. Not unless there's a miracle.) It's a diverse bunch, and it should be a lot of fun. (And yes, I'm pressing forward with the Twilight series. God help them, because when I'm through with them, there won't be anything left to mock.)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/3/09


Tonight, I start my first cooking class. Should it go well, I'm ready to sign up for four more over the summer.

Also, I might be hanging out with my friend Kyle again; and that always helps. (Sarcasm conquers all.)

Worst thing of today: having an emotional relapse and giving a shit about my ex. FML!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Best Thing of Today: 6/2/09


Today is my mother's birthday, and without her I'd not only be nonexistant, but I'd be missing a quarter of my personality. Happy birthday, Mom!

Also, I should be seeing Up this evening. (In beautiful Disney Digital 3D.) So that always helps.

Finally, I've started writing a book. One that I intend to see all the way through this time.

Central Casting: 5 Actors to Play Me in My Life Story


5. George Clooney – Because he’s George Freakin’ Clooney! I’d trust the man to write, direct, and star in a movie about me after watching “Good Night, and Good Luck.” Plus, I’d probably have access to the rest of the Ocean’s crew for the other characters in my life, which would be quite interesting.



4. Gary Oldman – Because he can play pretty much anyone. Russian terrorist, slimy southern Republican senator, American police commissioner, English wizard…just give him the right glasses and dye his hair black, I know he’d be able to mimic me.




3. Anton Yelchin – Seriously, the kid can play anything. He’s like another Gary Oldman in the works, and his last couple movies only sold me on his worth as an actor. (Haven’t endures Salvation just yet, but Charlie Bartlett and Star Trek alone have me convinced.)



2. Robert Downey Jr. – Tony Stark is what I think I’d aspire to be, if I had the money and if he were an author instead of an arms dealer. If that doesn’t seal the deal, go back and watch Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. Tell me one of his rambling monologues doesn’t sound like the way I write.



1. Greg Grunberg – The way he played Agent Weiss on Alias reminds me a lot of myself. Plus, it’s be awesome to get J.J. Abrams to direct a movie on my life. (Which would also mean Michael Giacchino would write a theme to my life. And theme music by Michael Giacchino would be AWESOME!)

Here's a fun little game for you folks at home. Using the previous Central Casting list, what are your suggestions for pairings between the actors playing me and the actresses picked as girlfriend replacements? (Or, if you want to be extra interesting, you can suggest substitutes for either or both.)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Yet Another Thank You

Readers old and new,

Thanks a lot. Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, thanks for coming, thanks for staying, thanks for going and telling people, thanks for just being here. Whatever readership I have, I'm grateful. It means there will be a built in audience for whatever books I publish. :D In all seriousness, you're all awesome and I'm glad that people are actually reading this. I thought it'd all merely be laughed off as the rantings of a madman. Apparently, that sells these days. So, I'll continue to stay mad.

Madly yours,

Mr. C

Best Thing of Today: 6/1/09

This was a suggested exercise by a friend of mine. I'm supposed to pick at least one thing that's going to be the best thing of the day. I can have multiples, but I need just one thing. So, I figured I've let you all in on the suck, I might as well let you all in on the glory. Which is why, starting today, I will be posting the best thing of my day every morning.

So the best thing about today is the fact that I have to go get my mother a birthday present, seeing as her birthday is tomorrow. (I like going out and shopping at night.) Also, I should hopefully be finishing Battlestar Galactica Season 2.5 tonight, if not sometime this week. Not much, I know, but at this point every little victory is a victory that's useful.

Day 9


Last week was pretty rough for me. In fact, it was the roughest week since this whole thing began. (And trust me, there have been some doozies in the past 2-4 months.) It was a week that started with a botched attempt at reestablishing friendship and ended with me getting two of the Valentine's Day presents I had given this year back. So now I have a copy of Titanic on DVD (which I'll keep) and a Heart of the Ocean necklace (which I'll give to whomever claims my heart next, but only after I feel I can trust them).

I was incredibly heartbroken that she would start giving gifts back when all I was giving her back was her stuff. All I wanted was the things I lent to her: my copy of Ragtime by E.L Doctrow and my writing portfolio she probably never read. The gifts were hers. I didn't want them, because when you buy someone a gift it's something you bought with the person you knew (or thought you knew) in mind at the time. You don't go and ask for things back, you assume them given up. But I guess since Titanic was the first date we ever went on as kids, she couldn't keep it around. Accepting a nice dinner out and candy is perfectly fine, but jewelry and movies is right out. (And Valentine's Day was during the three months she "wasn't happy", so she really did a good job of playing along.)

I don't want this to turn into my topic of conversation everyday, and I'm sorry I'm bitching about me getting dumped again. Truth is, I just need to vent. I didn't vent enough when it was all going on, for fear I'd sound ungrateful. I didn't call her on enough bullshit, and I avoided confrontation so much that when there was something I should have fought with her about, I didn't. I didn't think a good boyfriend was supposed to pick fights. She got away with murder, and then she went in for the kill. Again, apologies. You don't want to read about this, and I really should be writing something funny and happy again. It's just so goddamn hard to do it.

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