"I'm U.S. Marshall Teddy Daniels. I've taken a trip to Shutter Island with my good pal Chuck Aule to visit 'Dr. Cawley's House of Pie'. Right now, we're just sitting down to a nice slice of cherry pie. I love pie. Chuck loves pie. Chuck loves cherry pie. Oh no! They've run out of cherry pie! That's Chuck's favorite. I hope he does not know."
"FUCKERS! COCKJUGGLERS! TWATSMOKERS, THE LOT OF THEM! THEY RAN OUT OF MOTHERFUCKING CHERRY PIE, GODDAMN THEM! I'M GOING TO SET THIS PLACE ON FIRE! I'M GONNA DO SOME REALLY FUCKING DAMAGES TO THIS OVERPRICED WHOREHOUSE UNLESS I GET MY GOD-FUCKING-DAMNED CHERRY PIE YOU FECKLESS CUNTLAPPERS!"
"Whoa...relax there, Chucky boy. There's plenty of pie, cherry and otherwise, in my special room over here. Why don't you and Teddy step inside and join me for a slice? There's some ice cold milk in here too. Mmm, you like milk, don't you? That's right boys, into the restraints you go. I'm not gonna hurt you, it's for your own safety. This pie tastes so good, you won't be able to sit for weeks!"
"As it turns out, there was no pie factory. It was actually 'Dr. Cawley's House of Anal Rape and Pancakes'. Chuck didn't survive the first gangbang, and I'm being expected back in for a second. The horror. The goddamned horror. There was never any pie. I guess that's life in a nutshell: someone promises you pie, and the next minute you're taking it up the ass from some nutjob with a hockey stick and a pancake hat. I fucking hate pancakes."