It's almost April, which means it's almost...well, that means it's almost April.
- My friends and I barely survived New Moon thanks to the Rifftrax commentary. It was such a bad movie, that even the Riffers were having a hard time making fun of it, and that's saying something. At least Twilight was bad enough that it was cheesy and fun to mock. This though, this was fucking painful. I might just have to pick up the books again and finish this damned journey. I mean the book can't be as bad as the film, can it? (Sidebar: Eclipse looks like it's going to be a bigger heap of fail, and Bella Swan seems to be the biggest literary cunt since Scarlett O'Hara.)
- Dear Facebook and Blackberry, when someone's deleted from your phone/friends list; it'd probably be a good idea to delete their birthday from the phone as well. Chances are, they've been deleted from your life for a reason.
- Unsurprising: Alice In Wonderland won the weekend box office.
Surprising: Diary of a Wimpy Kid managed to pull a Second Place victory.
Deserved: The Bounty Hunter crashed into Third Place, showing that Jennifer Aniston should sail out with Jennifer Lopez on the S.S. "Retire Now While You Have A Shred of Decency". Here's this weekend's Futile Box Office Predictions
1. How to Train Your Dragon (Kids film + 3D + IMAX = Number one.)
2. Hot Tub Time Machine (Marketing buzz on this film is unbelievable, plus it seems like the perfect "Friends Night Out/Revenge for seeing The Bounty Hunter" picture.)
3. Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Kids films usually have at least one weekend of legs on Off Season weekends.)
Lovable Loser of the Week: America, for having to deal with a week of Miley Cyrus on Good Morning America, in order to promote the latest Nicholas Sparks film/cash cow, The Last Song.
- I'm still disappointed in you, Michael Sheen. Tron Legacy BETTER wash the taste of New Moon out of my mouth.
- I hate Aviator Sunglasses. I usually call them "Asshole Sunglasses" because it just seems like an asshole thing to wear sunglasses that are designed to indimidate and reflect a person to themself.
- South Park returned to form this week, and honestly the most funny bits about it were the Tiger Woods videogame segments. Other than that, it was pretty Meh.
- The Health Care Bill passed last night, which means the Russians will probably be invading any moment now; so stockpile your Glenn Beck books and your country music CDs as you prepare for the day we take our country back from the Socialists.
- Now that the Right Wing is whipped into their masturbatory ferver, I'd like to say that The Health Care Bill is the right thing for America to have passed. It's not perfect, but over time we can add/subtract to it so long as we have the votes and the hearts to do it. I know people on both sides of the argument, and if we stopped demonizing each other and worked together, we might be able to achieve some sort of grand compromise that works to everyone's advantage. Of course the odds of that happening are as great as my chances of winning the Lottery. On Pluto.
- I've finished The Strain. Expect a review shortly after the publication of this column. I recommend it highly to anyone who is into real vampires, folk legends gone evil, and Guillermo Del Toro.
- Be honest...who still has left over Corned Beef in the fridge?
And here to play us into the week is Clutch with their awesome zombie slaying song Electric Worry.
Why I’m voting for Obama
5 years ago