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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also a film journalist/critic for Cocktails & Movies and CinemaBlend, as well as the author of several short stories such as "The Devil v. George W. Bush". Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: mikereyeswrites@gmail.com

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Monday/Tuesday GAAAH! - 3/15/10

Another weekend has come and gone, and another week is about to start. Still, it could be worse...the Sparkletards could be running things and we'd all be proper fucked. Let's get started...

Donna Simpson, a 43 year old woman from New Jersey, wants to become the world's fattest woman by working her way towards 1000 lbs. Meanwhile, the editors of Weird N.J. couldn't be happier, and Tilly has the Margate Elephant preparing a spot for her in the "Jersey Social Hall of Oddities". Honestly, this woman is a mother and it's ridiculous that she not only is aiming for 1000 lbs, but also her husband is supporting her in this goal and she runs a website that people pay to see her eat fast food on. The Internet scares me sometimes.

- Heidi Montag has been cast in her first film, which happens to be Adam Sandler's next feature film endeavour as well. Oh Adam, I thought you couldn't sell out any further after that horrific Kids Choice Awards ad you did with fellow sell out/former funnyman Kevin James. Not only am I praying for a Segway scooter double homicide, I'm also withdrawing any positive mention of "I Now Pronounce You, Chuck and Larry" and I'm advising people NOT to see Grown Ups this summer, for the sheer fact that their reproductive organs may melt at the sight of it. Oh, right...Heidi Montag is to film as explosions are to the Human Body...only masturbatory fodder to Michael Bay, but scary and harmful for the rest of us.

- I still hate Full Screen over Widescreen. You want to watch half the picture? Wear special glasses that block out a quarter of the screen on both sides.

- Also, I need to start collecting the Coen Brothers' filmography. I've already started with Hudsucker Proxy, and I think I can safely omit Intolerable Cruelty and The Ladykillers from the collection.

- Justin Bieber...go the fuck home. New Rule: In order to be a teen pop idol singing about love, you must have pubic hair and a learner's permit. Otherwise you're not fooling anyone, and you come off as looking stupid. (And seriously how the fuck did he get Ludacris to join up with this nonsense?!)

- Alice in Wonderland stayed on top of the box-office, proving that Hot Topic is a force to be wreckoned with when it comes to stealing money from teenage girl's purses. She's Out of my League opened in third place, proving that formulamatic romantic comedies are not going away anytime soon. Green Zone opened in second place, proving that awesome still has a market; provided you have a Disney picture as a babysitter. Here's this weekend's Futile Box Office Predictions:

1. Alice in Wonderland
(Because it only has one weekend of 3D/IMAX screens left before How to Train Your Dragon premieres.)

2. Repo Men
(Because how can you pass up Liev Schrieber delivering lines like, "Give me your fucking heart!".)

3. Green Zone
(Because people might throw some word of mouth around and get more people to see this film.)

Lovable Loser of the Week: Repo Men, because of the Repo: The Genetic Opera comparisons it will draw, for better or worse.

- I reserve this line for usage in a future story: "I'd tell you to go to Hell, but I never want to see your face again so it'd be rather counterproductive."

- I want The Yappy One from Idol to be eliminated if she hasn't already. You know, the one that whined to get on the show after she'd auditioned the last year and didn't cut it? Yeah, she needs to go home.

Not much doing this week, but still it could be a lot worse...we could get more snow. Here to play us into the week is the trailer to Kick Ass.


Ali said...

I love your predictions. And I LOVE that picture. Did you put that piece of wonderfulness together?

Mr. Controversy said...

No, but I put together a rather awesome piece of wonderfulness that'll be posted this Monday.

(By the way, is this THE Ali?)

Ali said...

I'm about to read your Monday post. I HOPE I am The Ali. :-D

Mr. Controversy said...

Hard to tell, but anyway good to see you again Ali. :D