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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also a film journalist/critic for Cocktails & Movies and CinemaBlend, as well as the author of several short stories such as "The Devil v. George W. Bush". Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: mikereyeswrites@gmail.com

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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Musical Anatomy: Ke$ha – Tik Toc

I’d like to introduce a new feature to the blog today. For now we’ll call it “Musical Anatomy”, but if a funnier name comes up then it shall replace it. This week’s subject is Ke$ha’s annoying little slice of ear rape, “Tik Toc”.

Ke$ha’s debut single “Tik Toc” isn’t a rap song. No, this is much worse Animal altogether. (Get it?! Brand synergy, bitches!) This is a song so annoying it makes Lil’ Wayne’s voice almost sound melodic. (Just kidding! Modern science has emphatically proven that’s never going to happen.) It combines everything I hate about pop culture: extremely superficial women, horrific pop music, and P Diddy’s refusal to fade like a fallen Rap idol should.

A little background on Ke$ha, thanks to the Wikipedia, shows that some time after being featured on a season of The Simple Life, Ke$ha dropped out of high school and moved to California to live the dream. She’s sung background, co-written, and even appeared on other artists songs, the high point of which lead to her being discovered after featuring on Flo Rida’s increasingly annoying hit “Right Round”. (A future target for Musical Anatomy.) Collaborating and working with such figures as Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and 3OH3!, it’s safe to say that she’s about as resilient as a case of “The Clap”, only this one’s meant to infect your ears.

So here’s how we’re going to do it. I’ll provide the lyrics and the video, along with my own color commentary on each. I’ll break the lyrics down by verses, and I’ll break the video commentary into time-coded references. Other than that, all you have to do is enjoy and be prepared to read a lot of text. Here goes nothing!

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
(Hey, what up girl?)
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city
(Lets go)
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back

Right out the gate we get an impromptu “celebrity” cameo! It’s P Diddy, ya’ll! Seriously, this guy hasn’t been relevant for about a decade now, and something tells me another decade will rid us of Ke$ha, Gods willing. Though reading it in lyric form, it seems as if Diddy is some sort of “force ghost” mentor in Ke$ha’s career. He is her Old Ben Kenobi! Also, brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack…seriously, I know you’re from Tennessee (which, to further the Star Wars connection, could be likened to Mos Eisley I guess. I’ve never been, so I can’t judge), but you don’t HAVE to act like a dirty Southern alcoholic to sell records. However, I’m not so sure it’s acting on this girl’s part.

I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

Now we get to the superficial part. Pedicures, clothes shopping, texting boys…yeah, all the stuff feminists talk about, isn’t it? That’s right, our friend K-Money is supposedly a feminist due to the fact that not only is she signed up for the Lilith Fair, but she has songs that paint men in a derogatory manner. (Again, this is Wikipedia we’re talking about, and they’ve labeled her single “Blah Blah Blah” as the derogatory song. I don’t know…a song about a girl trying to sleep with a guy, and having no strings attached, just might be a love anthem more than a derogatory insult for some men.) Yeah, way to raise the banner kiddo. I know other songs on the album sell the Feminist point, but c’mon you’re selling THIS single. That’s like promising better Chocolate in a Resse’s at a Peanut Butter convention. (Oh, and the distortion at the end of this verse can go to fucking hell. It’s not a design flourish, it merely betrays the quality of the recording. And the music for that matter.)

Chorus: Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no

The simple party anthem of the new decade. Behold and fear its mighty presence. This is the sole reason this song will be blasting at weddings, sweet 16s, proms, and romantic comedy trailers…it’s about getting your party on, having fun, and being a girl! Because every girl speaks like a retard. (I want to kick whoever started the whole “I’mma” craze. IT’S NOT A WORD! SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH!)

[repeat chorus, facepalm]

Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

We’re back to the drunk part again. And not only that, but now we’re apparently promoting that girls with daddy issues go and search for their own Mick Jagger look-alike. That’s right, girls! Embrace the wrinkly old British man with the tabloid past and the endless supply of money. It’s what all Feminists do.

I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk

Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us

Yes…let’s just distort things again. Also, what’s with the repetition? Do you have some sort of short term memory problem we don’t know about, coupled with the previously mentioned alcoholism and daddy issues? Let someone know Ke$ha. We’re here to help you and exploit your life story into an Academy Award nominated melodrama about the triumph of the human spirit. (Especially if you continue to act Black. That'll just trigger waves of White Guilt so big we'll have to put Maine on tsunami alert.)

[repeat chorus x2, down a fifth of Vodka and shatter bottle over head]

DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me

With my hands up
You got me now
You got that sound
Yeah, you got me

DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me

With my hands up
Put your hands up
Put your hands up

Now, the party don't start 'til I walk in

This is starting to sound like a robbery, which is funny because the only way Ke$ha would get me to love her and her music was if I had a scortching case of Stockholm Syndrome. If the party doesn’t start until she walks in, it probably wasn’t going to be that fun of a party anyway.

[repeat chorus x2, shank DJ with the remains of the Vodka bottle you shattered. Go to jail, regret nothing.]

With a song like that, how could it possibly get any worse? Well...have you seen the video? (Remember kids, the following comments are time coded according to the version of the video included here.)

00:03 – This video brought to you in Rohyphnol Vision!

00:08 – Oh just go back to sleep and save us all the fucking aggravation.

00:10 – So P.Diddy’s polished image is just a sham to cover up the fact that he gets blackout drunk and wakes up in a bathtub? I call bullshit on that.

00:13 – Whatever could be so interesting as to alert Ms. Ke$ha’s widening glance? Oh wait…it’s a more interesting video being shot on the next lot over.

00:20 – I see her brushing her teeth, but no bottle of Jack. The only bottle of Jack I saw was the empty one on the floor. So either she literally shattered the bottle and brushed her teeth with the glass shards (which would be painful and stupid) or she’s just a liar. Minus 2 Street Cred.

00:24 – You’re not coming back?! SWEET! While your at it, drop the Auto Tune machine off at T-Pain’s house. He needs it to record his next album, Swaggalicious. (Don’t ask.)

00:28 – Ke$ha won’t admit it, but she’s really reusing her audition tape from the time she tried out for the role of Bella Swan.

00:30 – This is the family Ke$ha killed to feed her liquor habit.

00:40 – Filmed in glorious Jack-O-Vision.


00:45 – “I know what I’m masturbating to tonight! No more Harry Potter DVDs for me!”

00:47 – I don’t want to know where that fist has been, what it’s done, or who it’s friends with…just delouse it and get it out of my sight you mangy whore.

00:49 – Apparently Ke$ha bought this bike from private auction. It used to be Liberace’s, until even he looked at it and said, “Geez, that’s too gay for even me!”

00:55 – Where’s an errant cement mixer when you need one?

01:00 – Choose from the following: A.) That kid sure is giving a clinic on overacting; or B.) “I know what Jimmy’s masturbating to tonight!”

01:07 – Really? We’re gonna go back to the Ghetto Blaster trend? Really?

01:08 – This is what happens when you try to Americanize “The Red Balloon”.

01:11 – I give you Ke$ha’s living arrangements in a year’s time.

01:19 – I’d make a joke about Ke$ha blowing guys in the alley about now, but this dude looks like he’s stolen her thunder in that respect.

01:26 – Ke$ha’s dad picks her up. No, literally…he’s soliciting her hardcore.

01:30 - …and she accepts. Why am I not surprised?

01:44 – I’ve seen pornos with more convincing set ups.

01:48 – She’s lucky there isn’t a lightning storm at this point, because she’d make a prime conductor.

01:59 – And at this point it’s revealed that Ke$ha is just a Miley Cyrus clone gone wrong that’s had Jack Daniels spliced into its DNA. (That explains the whole dad-banging thing.)

02:18 – Did I mention she auditioned as Victoria also? (I’m sorry, my mind has been scared from the Twilight movies. That and having to pause, rewind, and replay this video more than any human should.)

02:19 – Ke$ha makes a non ironic physical reference to pole dancing. I make an ironic joke about how that’s prologue to her future career. Everyone leaves happy.

02:50 – Oh what fresh, glittering Hell is this?!

03:02 – If you’re wearing jeans like these, you may as well be naked.

03:22 – “Daddy gets ta’ do ‘er…Uncle gets ta’ watch.”

03:29 – Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be “teh skanklets”.

03:33 – Oh look, she’s missing a boot! There’s got to be some sort of meaning to that, doesn’t there?

03:35 – I contemplate watching the video again.

03:36 – I contemplate suicide.

03:37 – I realize I’m way to awesome for that and pet a grizzly bear.

Phew! Glad that's over. That's all for this week's Musical Anatomy. Please leave any comments, suggestions, or songs you want to see dissected in the comments field or on the Facebook wall.


Anonymous said...

Ke$ha is just singing about her life. If you don't like it then don't listen to it! If you knew anything about music then you would know that most singers repeat themselfs, not for a "memory problem" but so that it goes with the beat. Also stop hateing her for her dad!It's just plane mean.

Mr. Controversy said...

A.) Most singers repeating themselves (outside of the chorus) tends to get annoying over time, particularly with this song.

B.) The whole "memory problem" bit, was more of a gag out of frustration due to her repeating every thing.

C.) What exactly are we talking about re: Ke$ha's dad?

D.) Spell check. Use it.

E.) If you don't like it, then don't read it.

Anonymous said...

I thought it was funny! I suggest Lady Gaga and Beyonce - Telephone. The long 9 minute version. Have fun with that :P

Mr. Controversy said...

Oh gods! If I do Telephone, I think I'll just do the video because the time coding on that alone will be a nightmare!

Glad you liked it Anonymous the Second. Look for Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus to get skewered before Gaga gets hers. :D Thanks for reading.

Anonymous said...

wow, what a Ke$ha hater.. :/ words to the wise, not every song has to be about profound emotional realization or some other stuff like that. Just enjoy it for what it is- a party song. It's a great song, despite all the hate that people (like you) throw at it.

Fuck you ;)

Mr. Controversy said...

Anonymous the Third, a word to the wise: if you don't like it, don't read it. Like any piece of art/commerce, there will be supporters and detractors. I am a detractor, you're obviously a supporter. Which begs to ask why are you here? If you seriously don't like my opinions, I'm sure there's room at other cybervenues for you to meet like minded people.

Apologies, but fuck you. Respectfully of course. We don't want things getting uncivil here.

Anonymous said...

it's just a song guys, if you dont like it, stop listening to it and stop complaining about it!
the only reason i saw this was because i was searching for one of her AMAZING and CATCHY songs, which aren't meant to be taken seriously!! they are just for fun, dancing and party songs!!!
get a life and stop complaining about everything you see every 5 seconds!!!
you are sooo melodramatic...you obviously have no friends, no fun, and no life!!!! SO GO AND FUCKING GET ONE!!!

Anonymous said...

i hate people like you who pick at every little thing they see!
it's so incredibly annoying!!
you probably have no life and never had one in highschool!
fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Controversy said...

Can I just point out that both of you Anonymous Twins (if you're not the same person) are arguing as vehimently as I did about the song's presence?

The only difference is your argument is in favor of the music, and more personal than taking down a celebrity. Not complaining (because it's all about the hate mail) just commenting.

Either way, thanks for reading.

Steve Morris said...

OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE U HATE KE$HA!!!! All she does is say something that's LOLCONTROVERSIAL and then she quickly retracts it when she realises people might find her mildly shocking, before saying something else which is LOLCONTROVERSIAL again. What's wrong with that? Mr Controversy, I think u hate womyn. That's what this is all about. Otherwise you'd realise that Ke$ha is totez the bomb.

Haven't you seen 'Blah Blah Blah'? She sees this guy in a wig and PULL OFF THE WIG TO EXPOSE HIM. It's all about exposing the media, babez. You hate womyn tho so u don't understand what it is like to understand Ke$ha like I do. OMG can't believ you hate Ke$ha you hater. DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, KE$HA WE THINK UR GENIUZ.

ps Justin Bieber sucks lol lol lol

Sheena said...

Number 1. Don't talk badly about Tennessee. Not everyone here is a redneck hillbilly. A lot of us have college educations and are not alcoholics. We just experienced a horrible flood in most of the state and are in the process of helping people and businesses rebuild.
Speaking of the flood Ke$ha is holding a benefit concert next month and donating the proceeds to flood victims.

Number 2. You obviously have WAYYYYYYY to much time on your hands. Get some friends, do some charity work, read a book, or something more constructive than spending all this time criticizing someone you don't like.

Mr. Controversy said...

@ Sheena:

First off, thank you for reading.

Second off, I wrote this piece way before the flooding and I'm jokingly tearing into Tennessee much as I jokingly tear into Canada with the Bieber piece. The day you take Musical Anatomy seriously is the day you miss the point.

Last, but not least, can I just say you're the most eloquently worded commenter that has told me to get a life. You even tell me to do charity work and read a book. Thank you for showing that disagreement can be classy. (I mean that too, it's not just sarcasm.) Though, to be fair, telling me to read a book is like telling an alcoholic to drink up.

Again, thank you for reading.

Anonymous said...


Mr. Controversy said...

...and now Dan Brown jumps onto the "Get a Fucking Life" bandwagon.

Why can't you people be more like Sheena?

mi¢helle said...

hey guy i thought it was funny! i personally like ke$ha but i know she is precieved like a drunk, trashy, crack whore! lol anyways people its all in good humor and supposed to be fun. don't take life so seriously especially over someone you don't know personally. keep up the good work, you made my day!