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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Song and Dance, Track 7

As we all know everybody's been worried about the economy, which leads to less spending, which leads to...a worse economy. We're all falling on hard times, and no matter who you blame or who you praise, it's universally acknowledged that we could be doing better. Well, as you all know, I enjoy helping people out. As such, I'd like to give the nation's advertisers and CEO's this little ditty to sell the point of increased consumer spending. Please enjoy.

The Advertising Rag (Buy, Buy, Buy!)

We’ve hit a rough patch on our economic ranch.
And we need to rope the steer into the dough.
Though we’ve seen Madoff and Ponzi, out there’s a financial Fonzie.
‘For the Bear Sterns Bible tells us so!

To gallop into surplus, is something that behooves us.
Because everyone’s crying, “Give it back!”
Our stock market is steeping, the CEOs are creeping.
And everyone is weeping like Glenn Beck.

So we as investors of the highest degree,
Ask you the consumer with a plea of piety.
To do what you think is best in life.
Which would be, pre-cise-ly, the alleviation of our strife!

(Bum bum bum)

That green stuff in your pocket, looks oh so nice in ours.And we don’t mind at all that ya’ spend it in bars!All we ask is you look our way, maybe throw a couple dollars of pay.And tell all your friends that they can do the same.
(If we go out of busi-ness, then you’ll be to blame.)

(Bum bum bum)

Buy buy buy, all you can stand!
This su-pply outweighs all de-mand!
And we gua-ran-tee this opp-ortu-nity,
Won’t last long now so buy, buy, buy!

The cash that you are spending, we’re heart-ily recommending
That at least ten per-cent would happen to come our way.
Or fifteen if you’re modest, that’d simply bust our bodice
And we’d be over a barrel, down the old Ni-a-gray!
(Old Ni-a-gray!)

(Bum bum bum)
Buy buy buy, all we’ve got to give!
This is the stuff you need to truly live!
And we gua-ran-tee, you’ll be so damn ha-ppy.
Get your grins out babe, and buy, buy, buy!

Do you need a new recliner?
Is your father a coal miner?
Well then nothing could be finer than good ol’ massage!

(Bum bum bum)

Or maybe it’s the kids!
Bored out of their own eyelids!
Well get a load of this, it’s a ro-bo-tic pup!

(Bum bum bum)

And Grandma never has to worry,
When she’s up and in a hurry!
As long as she can scurry in a big ol’ Jaguar.

(Big ol’ Jag-u-aar!)
(Bum bum bum)

Buy buy buy, all the live long day!
It’s the A-me-ri-can Way!
And we gua-ran-tee, that this economy.
Will soar so high, so buy, buy, buy!
(Look at it go!)
Straight to the sky, so buy, buy, buy
(With us in tow!)
So empty your wallets and buy, buy, buy!

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