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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Musical Anatomy: Tokio Hotel - Monsoon

I hope you've all recovered from last week's upsetting report of Miley Cyrus being a domestic terrorist, because it's back to garden variety lame this week.  That's right, Musical Anatomy has returned and this week we're taking apart German pop sensation/emo poster child Tokio Hotel.  I'd like to thank @justchristinah for suggesting that I tear this act a new one.  Don't forget to check her Twitter page out and follow her.  She's fighting Cancer and taking names, and the bigger the audience the more shaming it is to the Cancer.

I’m starring at a broken door
there’s nothin left here anymore
my room is cold
it’s makin me insane
i’ve been waitin here so long
but now the moment seems to‘ve come
i see the dark clouds comin up again

So this kid is so emo every day to him seems like the ending of the first Terminator film?  Yes folks, that is a boy on the right side of the image.  You don't need your glasses checked.  Also, you'd think with the coats he wears he wouldn't be so cold when sulking in his room.  Unless he purposely makes it too cold so he can emo out.  Then really he has no one to blame but himself.

Chorus: runnin through the monsoon
beyond the world
to the end of time
where the rain won’t hurt
fighting the storm
into the blue
and when i lose myself
i’ll think of you
together we’ll be running somewhere new
through the monsoon
just me and you

Forgive me for nitpicking but: monsoons have really fast winds and rain (some clock in at roughly around 45 - 55 mph).  So again, forgive my scientific curiosity, but wouldn't it already be hurting you?  I mean the only way you could (foolishly) hope not to get hurt by rain like that is to run at the same speed as the rain, theoretically.  And even then, the friction of the wind would hurt like a bitch too.  (Plus, you're not Sonic the fucking Hedgehog.  With the shit you wear, I'd be surprised if you could run 10 mph.)  Tommy...I'm not digging your logic here, and it's cramping my style.

a half moon’s fading from my sight
i see your vision in it’s light
but now it’s gone and left me so alone
i know i have to find you now
can hear your name
i don’t know how
why can’t we make this darkness feel like home

(Repeat Chorus - write poetry for Hot Topic.)

hey! - hey!
i’m fightin all it’s power
comin’ in my way
let it take me straight to you
i’ll be running night and day
i’ll be with you soon, just me and you,
we’ll be there soon, so soon…

...because if you truly love someone, you'll drag them into a clusterfuck of wind, rain, and debris.  This is starting to sound like one of those "dying in the arms of your loved one all emo-like" songs, and frankly I'll be having none of that Mr. Kaulitz.  None whatsoever.  I mean if you truly loved this person, you wouldn't be dragging them into a tropical hell storm...you'd be warning them to stay right the fuck away from it.

(Repeat Chorus - meditate on how this is a watered down Linkin Park clone.)

through the monsoon
just me and you
through the monsoon
just me and you

And the Smoke Monster.  Don't forget about the Smoke Monster.  He's...always...watching.  ALWAYS!  With the lyrics out of the way, the hard part is over and the video shouldn't be that painful, right?  Why are you all laughing at me?

00:02 - Previously on MASH...

00:06 - I'm not thrilled by the Cowardly Lion update they've created for the new Wizard of Oz film.  There's "modern/edgy" and then there's ridiculous.

00:21 - Ok, you can stop kidding me now, that HAS to be a girl.  I don't care if her name is Tom, but you can't convince me otherwise that this isn't some emo chick singing about her pain and angst.

00:35 - This kid is such a hipster, he/she carries a typewriter to blog.  I can kind of respect that...if this wasn't some sort of grab at being an "outsider".

01:07 - This has to be some of the worst "jumping" I've ever seen.  Yes, we know it's fake but c'mon kids!  Have fun with your obscenely paid, overexposed jobs.

01:17 - O hai 1997 Fiona Apple video!

01:23 - This kid's feeling up his typewriter more than he's actually typing.  You know, I hear that's what Stephenie Meyer's writing process was like during the duration of Breaking Dawn.  (Albeit, for completely different reasons though.)

01:26 - Introducing the 2009 Hipstermobile.  Complete with old school windows, antique typewriter...

01:28 - ...and The Invisible Man as your metaphor for loneliness/transparency in the world/driver.

01:47 - This is turning out to be like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the kid wished for things and it happened.  Either that or that John Candy movie where he wrote shit on his typewriter and it happened in real life.  Either way, Prince is none to happy.

01:52 - My soul is like this paper ball...crumpled and filled with lies.  I cast it to the wind and hope it finds meaning in its disintegration via the sands of indifference.  MY FEELINGS BLEED AS I CALL YOUR NAME!  NEVERMORE!  NEVERFUCKINGMORE!  Shit...I'm sorry.  Listening to this nonsense could make even the most sane person emo.

01:58 - I didn't know emo kids carried cyanide capsules around these days.  Gaaah, hipster shit really ticks me off in an ironic, post-modern sort of way.

02:03 - His hair is so poofy, I'm watching for the helicopter blade to give him a buzz cut!

02:12 - Ok, that is OFFICIALLY the worst jump EVER.

02:16 - The Gods are displeased.  This should make for fun smiting action.  Cheer them on, everyone:  smite, smite, smite, smite.

02:20 - After the events of 2001, the Monolith settled down, had a couple kids with his darling wife, and created the perfect outdoor concert venue for kids with issues.

02:23 - This seriously looks like a ripoff of Linkin Park's What I've Done video, which in itself was a partial ripoff of Taking Back Sunday's Make Damn Sure video.  All its missing are explosions by Michael Bay and/or actually good music to resemble either of its forerunners.

02:28 - Seriously, you do NOT provoke Mother Nature.  Shit goes down quick and hard when you do.

02:44 - ...just how many illegitimate children does Steven Tyler HAVE?!

03:02 - This video brought to you by Emo's R' Us: "Rain or Shine, it's time to whine!"

03:19 - I haven't seen the Gods this riled up since that time I told them that Ashton Kutcher was shooting a camera ad on Mount Olympus.

03:22 - This kid looks a little too comfortable with moisture pelting him in the face.

03:27 - Ok another gripe...how the HELL can they play those instruments in a monsoon?  Sure, stretch credibility by having Britney Spears play flight attendant; that at the very least has a pinky toe in reality.  But this?  Un-fucking-acceptable.

03:47 - Now you've got the idea!  RUN BITCHES! MUTHA NATURE'S GONNA GETCHA!

03:56 - This just looks like an electrical short waiting to happen.  If so, then this kid's going through the most elaborate hair styling ritual I've ever scene.

04:00 - Cheer up, emo kid.  Your torment is only imaginary.  Unlike that of the audience, whose torment is all too real.

And that wraps up this week's Musical Anatomy.  Until next time, let the Hate Mail commence!


just christina =) said...

i looooove it :D:D well done mr!! haha thnx 4 that =)

Mike Reyes said...

Thank you kindly, ma'am. Hope you enjoyed it.