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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also a film journalist/critic for Cocktails & Movies and CinemaBlend, as well as the author of several short stories such as "The Devil v. George W. Bush". Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: mikereyeswrites@gmail.com

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Monday, August 16, 2010

The Monday GAAAH! (8/16/10)

I'm back, kids!  Did you miss me?  I'd certainly hope so, but I could understand if you didn't.  Not missing me simply means you've been following me on Facebook and Twitter, which is awesome too.  However if you didn't miss me and you haven't been following, then I don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry you've been brainwashed into being a Perez Hilton fan.

Recommended listening: The /FilmCast, particularly The Tobolowsky Files.  I've survived many a day at the office with either the straight up film/TV analysis or Stephen Tobolowsky telling me stories about his life and profession.  Both are highly enjoyable, both are highly listenable.

MSN Hilarious Headline Coupling of the Week: "New monkey species found | Snooki's trademark bid"  (My advice...find an existing species of Monkey and just join up with them, Snooki.  Why risk it with a species that might be as widely accepted as the idea of Jersey Shore Season 3?)

- I am Iron Man.  Just kidding...the suit's in the shop until Tuesday, so I'm just Man for now.

- The Expendables and Eat Pray Love were the top two films this weekend, proving that Juiceheads and Soccer Moms still go to the movies when prompted to by their overlords.  In other news, please welcome our new Cult Classic, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.  Here's this weekend's Futile Box Office Predictions:

1. Vampires Suck
(Twilight fans will see it out of curiosity, Stupid Moviegoers will see it not knowing it's a Seltzer/Friedberg abortion because they took a year off from making horrible films, I'll go cry in a corner knowing it's going to pull money from the two groups of moviegoers I despise the most.)

2. Piranha 3D
(3D is still a viable gimmick, and this film looks fun enough to take a chunk of the August pie; which is always available to throwaway entertainments.  See above.)

3. The Other Guys
(The film's had strong legs so far, and it's a moderate enough draw that people can still be going to see it for the first time this weekend.)

Lovable Loser: Scott Pilgrim, because it deserves a higher Box Office draw, but at the same time is modest enough to have a Kevin Smith effect on Edgar Wright's career.  Oh Edgar Wright...we need your voice in this world of Sparkletards and Douchebags.

Loathable Winner: Eat Pray Love, because if a woman running around the world bitching and eating is a box office sensation, just WAIT for Sex and the City 3: Tarts A La Carte.

- Speaking of Sex and the City, you know who should have been cast in that show?  Sarah Jessica Parker (from her L.A. Story/Hocus Pokus days), Kim Catrall (from her Porky's/Mannaquin days), Vanessa Williams (from the days of her Pop Career) and Carrie Fisher (from her Return of the Jedi days).  Go ahead and doubt me, but you would have had all of the men glued to the televisions between 1987 and 1994.  Back when HBO was still labeled as the "risk taker".

- Sega never got a fair shake in the Console Wars.  The Saturn and Dreamcast both seemed pretty damn neat.

- Republicans: instead of bitching about the "Ground Zero Mosque", why not look at this on the bright side:  A.) There isn't another World Trade Center standing for them to attack and B.) You could easily monitor the "terrorists" in their place of gathering.

Democrats: instead of bitching about the Republicans bitching, read my remark above and shake your head at how not only is there still NOTHING being built on Ground Zero, but that you know this Mosque is going to see some serious shit once it opens.

- Star Wars has just been announced on Blu Ray for 2011.  I'll be buying those...when I find a generous buyer for my complete collection of Episode I Action Figures/Pepsi Cans.   Suck it, Lucas.

- I've made Steven Weber laugh...or at the very least he noticed me on Twitter and tweeted back.  Nothing major, just really cool news from a boring, quiet weekend.

- Steven Slater is not a hero...he's just a fussy douchebag who wanted to make a splash, and didn't want to spill his booze along the way.  The quicker we burn this dickweed's celebrity flame out, the better.  (Speaking of which, is America still obsessed with that Bieber fuck?)

- Another Segway: Apparently Bieberino gave some kid in Detroit's phone number out on his Twitter.  Way to go Biebster.  That qualifies as a big #DickMove.

- Tila Tequila was pelted with rocks and bottles by some Insane Clown Posse fans this weekend.  I'd make fun of it, but when you read the details of the situation it tends to make fun of itself.  (Never knew Juggalos had an affinity for flinging shit.)

- Watching Jersey Shore, I'm quite surprised Snooki and Ronnie are the only two arrested this season.  Getting to know J Woww, I would have thought she'd have killed someone by now.  Bitch is fierce!  (Needless to say, she's one of the favorites of my girlfriend and I.)

- Sam Fischer and Jack Bauer need to start a franchise together.  Bauer/Fischer adventures would make AWESOME video games.

This week's opening act is here after collecting 50 rings and jumping through the hidden ring of stars.  (Didn't think anyone would find it next to the Justine Bieber CD's.  You know damn well that wasn't a typo.)  Here's the Nerd Army with their cover of the Sonic 2 Special Stage theme.

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