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Mike Reyes, aka Mr. Controversy, has considered himself a writer ever since he was a child. He wrote for various school publications from about 1995 until 2006, and currently runs both The Bookish Kind and Mr. Controversy, which is an offshoot of the regular column he wrote in High School. He's also authored several short stories such as "The Devil's Comedian", "The Devil v. George W. Bush", and most recently "Wait Until Tomorrow". He resides in New Jersey. Any inquiries for reprinting, writing services, or general contact, should be forwarded to: michaelreyes72@hotmail.com

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Monday, June 14, 2010

The Monday GAAAH! (6/14/10)


After a week off due to some big changes going on in my life, I think it's time to get on with the show, wouldn't you say?  Back to the weekly GAAAH!

- Change #1: I'm moving out of my family's house and into a farm house with my friends and girlfriend.  It's an exciting, yet nerve taxing proposition, but in the end it should be a life changer for the better.

- Change #2: I have a sorta professional writing side gig in the works with Spiteful Critic, so when that materializes I'll be sure to link over the material I'll be producing for them.  (I already have a couple good articles to start my tenure off on the right foot.)

- Somehow the annoying looking Karate Kid remake made it to the top of the Box Office this week, with The A-Team making a nice second place debut.  Shrek Forever After holds steady at third, likely to be kicked to the lower 10 with the release of a Cowboy/Spaceman buddy picture this weekend.  Something sort of story...about toys if I'm not mistaken.  Here's this week's Futile Box Office Predictions:

1. Toy Story 3
(The only way they could bomb this film is if Mr. Pricklepants turned out to be a Nazi, Barbie and Ken have a graphic sex scene, and Martin Scorsese directs a 30 minute collage of headshots and carnage.  And you know what?  Pixar would merely be congratulated for making a "grown up extravaganza, filled with edge defying spectacle and hard assed wonderment".  It's Pixar...they always win.

2. The Karate Kid
(This is the one all of the families have probably seen last weekend, loved, and have chatted up in their church groups/picnic barbecues/office water coolers today.  It's the movie that spoke to them & made them feel good.  Mostly though, it's a successful cash grab, coldly calculated by Columbia to cash in that small token of 80's nostalgia you've kicked around since Peter Cetera sang about "The Glory of Love".  In other words...it's like an Oprah certified G.I. Joe reboot.)

3. Jonah Hex
(Admit it...you're morbidly curious to see how neutered the PG13 cut has been made, just so months down the road Warner Brothers can sell the "Extreme Unrated Director's Producer's Cut" with one second of tit, five swear words, and blood pouring from every kill in the film.  Which will probably never be released, because the film looks like it sucks western dick.)

Lovable Loser of the Week: Splice, for falling so far off the radar in a world of sequels, remakes, and cash-ins.  Save your breath for the DVD release, because that's where the cult following will begin.

Loathable Winner of the Week: Shrek Forever After, because it just won't die!

- The World Cup is on at the moment and I can't find a stream at the moment.  I'm not huge on sports, but you've gotta love how The WC is what the Olympics wishes it was.  Instead of the fanciful pageantry and sanctimonious faux global village shit, we get a true celebration of national and global pride.  The difference between the Olympics and the Cup: The Cup only needs one sport, and it does that sport beautifully.

- Still need to catch myself and the girlfriend up on Doctor Who, but I saw the trailer for part 1 of this season's finale and...yeah, I need to catch up NOW!

- Finally started watching season 2 of True Blood with my girlfriend.  (I know, I know...we're behind!)  Looks to be interesting, and seriously hoping we can finish it so we don't miss too much of Season 3.

- Diablo Cody was born today, as Roger Ebert is kind enough to remind us.  Remember to annoy everyone into thinking you're so hip, you deserve, nay DEMAND the highest recognition in your field of work!

- My mother has gotten me addicted to Craigslist.  When you're moving somewhere new, it's nice to try and get as much free stuff as you can to furnish it. =P

- IKEA...how wonderful is that store?

- Warner Brothers is making new Looney Tunes shorts with The Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote (super genius) that will be attached with 3D theatrical releases.  It's nice to see WB not giving up on a time tested brand, but I seriously hope this doesn't run the franchise into the ground.  (Much like an ACME product.)

There's been all of this 80's/90's nostalgia flowing lately, and frankly I've been trying to stop myself from succumbing to it.  But it's just too damn hard, what with that decade of pastels and the best Halloween costumes and toy commercials EVER resurging in remakes, reboots, and retrospectives.  So fine...you want 80's nostalgia?  You're gonna goddamn well get it!  In fact, here's three videos full of it! 

First, up is a favorite song of mine from the 80's.  As a kid, I always enjoyed hearing this one when it'd come up on my old GE boombox (with detachable speakers)!  Those were the days when I'd camp out at the radio and wait for my favorites to hit the waves, just begging to be collected on a mixtape I'd always be adding to.  Here's SoulSisters with "The Way To Your Heart".



Next is the trailer for the 1991 Science Fiction classic Terminator 2: Judgement Day.  I remember my parents getting the VHS for Total Recall from the rental store and seeing this trailer attached to the beginning of the film.  When you're 7-8 years old, this'll scare you shitless.  (Even if you did watch Tales from the Crypt.)



Last is perhaps one of the best 80's cartoon theme songs EVER.  Do not deny that Ducktales is anything short of win, for you'd only be lying to yourself.  And why would you want to do that?  Make it a good week, everyone!



To anyone who's stuck around through those three videos and wanted "MOAR NOSTALGIA!!!1!!"; I have a treat for you.  But keep it under your hats...someone's likely to find out about it and rip it all off the Nets.  (Though, I highly recommend buying a copy of said video's contents .  Really, it's not that much & it's well worth the money.)

Friday, June 4, 2010

Happy Friday Video - 6/4/10

Splice hits theaters nationwide this weekend, while The Human Centipede: First Sequence has been in limited release for a couple weeks now.  Having trouble deciding which to go see (or to go see first, if you're a Horror sicko like myself)?  Gladstone (formerly of Cracked, currently of Asylum) has a rather hysterical Hate By Numbers to help you make your decision.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Musical Anatomy: Tokio Hotel - Monsoon


I hope you've all recovered from last week's upsetting report of Miley Cyrus being a domestic terrorist, because it's back to garden variety lame this week.  That's right, Musical Anatomy has returned and this week we're taking apart German pop sensation/emo poster child Tokio Hotel.  I'd like to thank @justchristinah for suggesting that I tear this act a new one.  Don't forget to check her Twitter page out and follow her.  She's fighting Cancer and taking names, and the bigger the audience the more shaming it is to the Cancer.

I’m starring at a broken door
there’s nothin left here anymore
my room is cold
it’s makin me insane
i’ve been waitin here so long
but now the moment seems to‘ve come
i see the dark clouds comin up again

So this kid is so emo every day to him seems like the ending of the first Terminator film?  Yes folks, that is a boy on the right side of the image.  You don't need your glasses checked.  Also, you'd think with the coats he wears he wouldn't be so cold when sulking in his room.  Unless he purposely makes it too cold so he can emo out.  Then really he has no one to blame but himself.

Chorus: runnin through the monsoon
beyond the world
to the end of time
where the rain won’t hurt
fighting the storm
into the blue
and when i lose myself
i’ll think of you
together we’ll be running somewhere new
through the monsoon
just me and you

Forgive me for nitpicking but: monsoons have really fast winds and rain (some clock in at roughly around 45 - 55 mph).  So again, forgive my scientific curiosity, but wouldn't it already be hurting you?  I mean the only way you could (foolishly) hope not to get hurt by rain like that is to run at the same speed as the rain, theoretically.  And even then, the friction of the wind would hurt like a bitch too.  (Plus, you're not Sonic the fucking Hedgehog.  With the shit you wear, I'd be surprised if you could run 10 mph.)  Tommy...I'm not digging your logic here, and it's cramping my style.

a half moon’s fading from my sight
i see your vision in it’s light
but now it’s gone and left me so alone
i know i have to find you now
can hear your name
i don’t know how
why can’t we make this darkness feel like home

(Repeat Chorus - write poetry for Hot Topic.)

hey! - hey!
i’m fightin all it’s power
comin’ in my way
let it take me straight to you
i’ll be running night and day
i’ll be with you soon, just me and you,
we’ll be there soon, so soon…

...because if you truly love someone, you'll drag them into a clusterfuck of wind, rain, and debris.  This is starting to sound like one of those "dying in the arms of your loved one all emo-like" songs, and frankly I'll be having none of that Mr. Kaulitz.  None whatsoever.  I mean if you truly loved this person, you wouldn't be dragging them into a tropical hell storm...you'd be warning them to stay right the fuck away from it.

(Repeat Chorus - meditate on how this is a watered down Linkin Park clone.)

through the monsoon
just me and you
through the monsoon
just me and you


And the Smoke Monster.  Don't forget about the Smoke Monster.  He's...always...watching.  ALWAYS!  With the lyrics out of the way, the hard part is over and the video shouldn't be that painful, right?  Why are you all laughing at me?



00:02 - Previously on MASH...

00:06 - I'm not thrilled by the Cowardly Lion update they've created for the new Wizard of Oz film.  There's "modern/edgy" and then there's ridiculous.

00:21 - Ok, you can stop kidding me now, that HAS to be a girl.  I don't care if her name is Tom, but you can't convince me otherwise that this isn't some emo chick singing about her pain and angst.

00:35 - This kid is such a hipster, he/she carries a typewriter to blog.  I can kind of respect that...if this wasn't some sort of grab at being an "outsider".

01:07 - This has to be some of the worst "jumping" I've ever seen.  Yes, we know it's fake but c'mon kids!  Have fun with your obscenely paid, overexposed jobs.

01:17 - O hai 1997 Fiona Apple video!

01:23 - This kid's feeling up his typewriter more than he's actually typing.  You know, I hear that's what Stephenie Meyer's writing process was like during the duration of Breaking Dawn.  (Albeit, for completely different reasons though.)

01:26 - Introducing the 2009 Hipstermobile.  Complete with old school windows, antique typewriter...

01:28 - ...and The Invisible Man as your metaphor for loneliness/transparency in the world/driver.

01:47 - This is turning out to be like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the kid wished for things and it happened.  Either that or that John Candy movie where he wrote shit on his typewriter and it happened in real life.  Either way, Prince is none to happy.

01:52 - My soul is like this paper ball...crumpled and filled with lies.  I cast it to the wind and hope it finds meaning in its disintegration via the sands of indifference.  MY FEELINGS BLEED AS I CALL YOUR NAME!  NEVERMORE!  NEVERFUCKINGMORE!  Shit...I'm sorry.  Listening to this nonsense could make even the most sane person emo.

01:58 - I didn't know emo kids carried cyanide capsules around these days.  Gaaah, hipster shit really ticks me off in an ironic, post-modern sort of way.

02:03 - His hair is so poofy, I'm watching for the helicopter blade to give him a buzz cut!

02:12 - Ok, that is OFFICIALLY the worst jump EVER.


02:16 - The Gods are displeased.  This should make for fun smiting action.  Cheer them on, everyone:  smite, smite, smite, smite.

02:20 - After the events of 2001, the Monolith settled down, had a couple kids with his darling wife, and created the perfect outdoor concert venue for kids with issues.

02:23 - This seriously looks like a ripoff of Linkin Park's What I've Done video, which in itself was a partial ripoff of Taking Back Sunday's Make Damn Sure video.  All its missing are explosions by Michael Bay and/or actually good music to resemble either of its forerunners.

02:28 - Seriously, you do NOT provoke Mother Nature.  Shit goes down quick and hard when you do.

02:44 - ...just how many illegitimate children does Steven Tyler HAVE?!

03:02 - This video brought to you by Emo's R' Us: "Rain or Shine, it's time to whine!"

03:19 - I haven't seen the Gods this riled up since that time I told them that Ashton Kutcher was shooting a camera ad on Mount Olympus.

03:22 - This kid looks a little too comfortable with moisture pelting him in the face.

03:27 - Ok another gripe...how the HELL can they play those instruments in a monsoon?  Sure, stretch credibility by having Britney Spears play flight attendant; that at the very least has a pinky toe in reality.  But this?  Un-fucking-acceptable.

03:47 - Now you've got the idea!  RUN BITCHES! MUTHA NATURE'S GONNA GETCHA!

03:56 - This just looks like an electrical short waiting to happen.  If so, then this kid's going through the most elaborate hair styling ritual I've ever scene.

04:00 - Cheer up, emo kid.  Your torment is only imaginary.  Unlike that of the audience, whose torment is all too real.

And that wraps up this week's Musical Anatomy.  Until next time, let the Hate Mail commence!

Cross Promotion Commotion



As I've announced to you all earlier, I've created a new blog strictly for book reviews & literary musings entitled The Bookish Kind.  The reason I'm pimping it over here is because I'm trying to get the same fanbase that loves Mr. Controversy to also frequent Bookish.  Think of it as the Book Magazine insert to the New York Times...if the Times were bitchier and full of snark and bravado.  Anyhow, I urge you to stop by & visit.  I'm running a poll for the Pilot Season running order and so far it's a three way tie.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The Tuesday GAAAH! (6/1/10)


Hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day weekend.  It was certainly beautiful enough outside, despite the Bennys invading Jersey's shores once more.  Sorry I forgot to put up a Happy Friday Video last week, since I got out of work early & the extended weekend fever crept in.  So to make up for it, here's a kick assed cover of the Moon music from Ducktales on NES.



Truly awesome, if you ask me.  Now let's get down to business, shall we?

- First, an announcement: The review for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter will be my last book review on Mr. Controversy.  As of that moment, book reviews (and all things literary) will be going on at my new blog: The Bookish Kind.  Head on over for an introduction of sorts, and keep an eye out for further developments.

- Shrek 4 conquered the box office yet again this weekend, and while normally I'd be upset and mutter something about the law of diminishing returns (as well as the death of American cinema), I'm actually quite happy.  The Ogre and the Prince of Persia overthrew the Harpies of America and sent Sex and the City 2 to its still inflated (but sorta rightful) place of Third!  Guess they shouldn't have put a ring on it in the first film & expended every point of closure in one 2.5 hour shitfest.  Here's this weekend's Futile Box Office Predictions:

1. Marmaduke
(Talking Dog + Kei$ha + lowest common denominator = The Kids have already seen Shrek, so they'll drag you to this.)

2. Shrek Forever After
(Where is your puny God now?)

3. Get Him To The Greek
(Because Russell Brand is just racking up money to cover Pre Nup penalty fees with Katy Perry.)

Lovable Loser of the Week: Splice, because thought provoking/fucked up Sci-Fi hasn't been popular since Cronenberg.

Loathable Winner of the Week: Marmaduke, because kids love shit that talks.

- BP, please step away from the Oil Spill.  Back away slowly and wait for someone who knows what they're fucking doing.

- Killers isn't screening for critics in advance of its theatrical release this Friday.  Instead the studio is opting for fan based Facebook/Twitter buzz to give the film an opening weekend boost.  Because that just worked ACES for When in Rome, and didn't make it look like an annoyingly advertised flop. 

- Katherine Heigl is still an unlikable twat in my eyes.  She can go fade into obscurity now.

- Super Mario Galaxy 2 and Red Dead Redemption have me seriously jonesing to purchase a video game right about now.  Which one should I get first?

- This marks the first week that there will be no 24.  I find myself saddened, and yet happy.

- It's weird logging into Blogger and seeing two blogs instead of one.  It's weird in a good way.

- For the record, I always started Ducktales for the NES on the Moon level.  9 times out of 10, anyway.  Blame my Sci Fi geek parts of me.

- I've tried Almond Milk for the first time this past weekend, and I have to say it tastes pretty good.  A little watery where the creamy notes of regular milk's taste would be, but still plenty good.

And now, to bring us into the week, the awesome new trailer for the "Epic of Epic Epicness", Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.  It looks like a milkshake drinker, kids; and I'm sorry to say I ever doubted this film.  I can't wait to see it, and must read the books ASAP!